Posted by: by conquer4love on March 11, 2008 @ 4:50 pm

**Disclaimer**
This entry will upset some people. If it upsets you it means your thinking. If I do upset you, please tell me what your thoughts on the matter are but please use constructive and rational communication. I do want to hear your thoughts on this entry.

There is an aversion by many who are into the lifestyle to being placed in any category or being labeled. I feel that this not only goes against human nature but can be dangerous to those involved.

As humans we create categories to speed basic communication, as a survival method and to understand ourselves and others. Plants we should not eat are placed in the “Poisonous” category. People who display violent behavior get placed into the “Dangerous” category. Animals which return to nature from being domesticated can be dangerous and unpredictable humans then label them as “feral”. All of these are labels used to communicate a basic idea without having to spend time speaking at length about a subject to get an idea across. The majority of words in any language are labels and are used for this purpose. Nouns are labels, Pronouns are labels, Verbs are labels, Adverbs are labels, Adjectives are labels, Prepositions are labels and Participles are labels (this is not a complete list, there are MANY others.)

The very basis of any language is labels. When someone says “don’t label me”, “don’t put me in a category” or “I can’t be labeled or put in a pretty little box that matches your ideas of the world” they are then labeling themselves as unique, a label.

I would love to think that my relationship is so new and special that it can’t be described in words and labels as that would make me feel special. To a small extent that may be true, a simple word does not give the depth of what our relationship is. I can start by saying “We are in a self-styled, 24/7, polyamorous, D/s borderline M/s relationship with bondage, sadistic and masochistic tendencies.” That does not describe everything about our relationship, but it does provide some nice introductory labels to get the person we are talking with pointed in the right direction. After giving that information to someone we now only have to fill in the gaps using labels and categories to build on the information we have already provided.

Assuming that every “label” that exists in the BDSM community was suddenly thrown away and unusable it would take me hours to describe our relationship to someone.

No matter how eclectic you make your life, religion or relationship it can still be put in pretty little boxes or categories and then labeled. Revel in that fact, enjoy it and use it to help communicate with the rest of the world.

If you really want to be the sort of person who refuses to use labels then by all means, do it, excel at it and be the best “no labels” person in the whole world. Sadly, you won’t be able to tell us or anyone else about it because that would be using labels.

Now, if I upset you and you want to talk about it then let’s talk. If you are just going to attack me because of what I have said then please do; just don’t use any labels while doing it.

~~conquer4love~~

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