My Personal Need for Dominance
The following information is from my personal perspective and elaborates on my own submissive need for dominance. In no way, does this article claim to be the only way for accepted dominance towards a submissive, nor does it mean that what I find true for myself is what will be right for you. Each one of us will have a different experience relative to the individual and that is what makes the enjoyment of the Lifestyle such an expressive form in which we choose to live.
“True strength lies in submission which permits one to dedicate his life, through devotion, to something beyond himself.”
Henry Miller
Upon coming into acceptance of my submissive nature, I realized that in order for me to have purpose in my submission and not flail about with the struggle to stop myself in blind submission in various ways, I also had to come to terms with my own needs and wants for being dominated. You see, there are different levels to being dominated and those can signal different reasons based on each individual but for me it comes from the internal drive to give. In my nature, my first instinct is to give. I give in ways to take care of others needs around me, always have and always will. I go on automatic pilot and put others needs and wants above my own and this fulfills my inherent need to be of service, to be useful and essentially to have purpose. One of the hardest things for me to do is in doing an act that is overtly self serving or will put myself in anyway above another… it pains me to do so and in our society where as young women we are taught to strive for independence this has been a difficult ideal for me to come to terms with. Various social situations, whether it be in friendships, volunteering or dating relationships always I have a need, a desire to give. Sometimes, I admit that my drive to give can become a compulsion and granted when I do such things on automatic it pains me a great deal when I am taken advantage of and my nature becomes abused by those who are not true dominant type personalities but really end up being opportunists.
Yet still, through it all… in these thirty-three years of living I still give but in learning from past experience I have to try and take some action in protecting my submissive nature. This also ends up causing a great deal of pain because emotional control is not a strong point of mine and is in direct contradiction for my need to give everything that I can of myself.
Being dominated means for me to be allowed, to be able to give and to fulfill my submissive nature in a safe and productive way. When dominance comes from an honest place, from someone who has the emotional make up of being a natural dominant it automatically compliments my submissive nature. I need to be safe in the knowledge that who I am and what I am doing is all right and even expected and that is what being controlled does for me. It’s not about having every detail of my life dictated, it’s knowing that in having purpose, in being of service that the aspects that are dictated frees me to comfortable in who I am. A large part of my need for dominance is safety. In giving so much of myself, with my drive to do so I need to be controlled. I need my Dom to take the emotional reins, so to speak. Now, granted this is a part of personal responsibility to which I do not have a problem accepting… however the problem that I do have is in the ability to focus and control the emotional side of my nature; to temper it in a way. The safety that is provided by being dominated in this aspect is through emotional allowance. My emotions will run their course either way, but in order to feel safe in being vulnerable and in accepting them when they flow only comes through the control a dominant can provide with direction.
My need for dominance also comes in various forms of structure. Even small day to day tasks, need to be acknowledged and scheduled. The level of structure that comes from my dominant indicates the level in which I feel cared for. Serving a purpose in this capacity builds a foundation of trust and dependability not just from my submissive nature but also for my dominant who knows that when given a task or asked to handled something in a certain way the dominant can be more confidant that things are being done. My need for dominance in this area begins with the need for knowing; knowing what is going on any given day, knowing what needs to be done, knowing what will happen, knowing what to expect and knowing that I am pleasing my dominant by submitting to the structure that is set for both of our lives. What becomes important to me through the structure is also what is already important for the dominant.
Acknowledgment is another need that I have. My submissive compulsion to give can only be tempered with the a good intentioned dominant. The only way to know sometimes, which ties in with the need for structure and safety, that if anything that I am doing matters is if it is acknowledged. I serve by striving to do all that is asked is me, all that is expected of me and all that is needed of me and in giving so much, my nature is to continue to give and I will do so even to my own detriment sometimes. The key to knowing is through the acknowledgment for what is given. Not every little item needs to be addressed or blown up in praise, but there is always a certain amount of meaning in the acknowledgment of a dominant, just as the rules and punishments come with a certain amount of meaning. This particular need, also equates as a type of emotional language between myself and my dominant - meaning that having what I do noticed or appreciated shows me that I am cared for, that my existence matters to my dominant whether or not a single word is ever said. It can come in many forms, a warm hug or a good spanking but the form that the dominant chooses the acknowledgment in can signal often the state of the relationship. In my need for dominance, I am looking for the structure, safety, knowing and allowable patience that compliments my submissiveness all of which I have found in my Dom, Conquer4love.
~~surrender4love~~
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