A day without my collar
Thursday was the day set to dye my hair. So, first thing that morning BloodLustDaddy took my collar off so that I wouldn’t get it all gooped up with hair dye. I had tried to prepare myself for the day, tried to emotionally get ready for being without my collar by telling myself over and over that I could handle it. Little did I realize how unprepared I actually was.
Because the second he removed my collar the whole world turned upside down and set the stage for the rest of the day.
All morning my mind had an inability to work with my mouth or my typing. I repeated myself, contradicted myself and in general threw a sense of urgency and panic into all that I did. I was irritable and nothing I did or said seemed to go right. I just could not figure out what was wrong with me.
And then it hit me, while running an errand to the bank. I reached up to play with the pendant on my collar like I normally do and realized that it wasn’t there. My neck felt naked, I felt naked … exposed and unprotected to everything that was wrong with the world. Now, I know that this is an extreme but that is how I felt. BloodLustDaddy’s collar means more to me than any other piece of jewelry that I have ever worn in my life. His collar has been on me for over a year and it just became a part of me as the days passed by; growing in meaning month by month. So, to just have it gone and not even remember that it was gone took quite a toll on me that day.
Once I understood why I was being crazy, I tried to keep myself in check. Good idea in theory but much harder to execute in real life. My irritation with everything still flowed on through Thursday evening. What, no collar return that night when BloodLustDaddy came home? Nope, because I was soaking the collar in attempt to get it as clean for him as I could.
Sleep did not come easily that night. I laid there in bed, running my hand over my neck missing the feel of collar, the metal that he placed on me with the intent of protection, ownership and love … and I missed it terribly, even with BloodLustDaddy sleeping next to me. It was odd, I thought to have placed such an emotional attachment to an object something that I have never done before but it was HIS collar and I couldn’t escape its meaning or the feelings that it had given me.
When the alarm went off Friday morning, I woke and tried to go about my normal routine. I gathered his clothes, made his lunch and quickly went to rinse and dry my collar. I bounced around waiting for him to wake up and get ready. Still panicky, I tried not to flood him with rambling chatter but am afraid that I failed on that part. Finally, though he put his shoes on and went to get the collar so he could put me back in it.
I never would have though that a piece of jewelry would actually lower someone’s blood pressure.
~~,~~’~~,~~’~~{@ Surrender4love
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