The basics…
Rules, god I hate rules as they are only useful if they are truly enforced. Many BDSM relationships are filled with rules, checklists, questionnaires and contracts so people tend to be surprised when they find that in my dealing with surrender4love I have taken a more minimalistic approach to rules.
Rule #1 : My way may not be the best way, the fastest way or even the correct way but it is the only acceptable way.
Rule #2 : “No” is never an acceptable response to a command that is given.
Rule #3 : Do as I say.
Three rules keep things fairly simple and are easy to enforce. If I say the entire bathroom is to be cleaned with salt water then it will be cleaned with salt water. I know that salt water is not the best cleaner in the world but that is not the point and discussing it takes time away from cleaning the bathroom with salt water. (Notice: this is a lame example as I would never demand the whole bathroom be cleaned with salt water, tooth paste is much better… *insert evil laugh*)
With the rules out of the way the rest of my girl’s existence comes down to commands, expectations and experiences. Commands are the easiest to follow, when I command that tonight her hair is to be in a pony tail she knows what she needs to do and that if she does not do it punishment will be had. Expectations are a bit tougher but normally come with advance warning… when I get in the shower at night she knows that I expect to have my clothes placed next to the towel for when I get out, it’s not a command or a rule, it’s an expectation. If for some reason my clothes are not waiting for me she knows that she will not suffer a punishment. However, where my expectations are not being met it can quickly become a command with punishment expected upon failure.
Experiences, these are the ones that are hardest to follow but have the most pronounced triggers… when walking in the door from work if I look at her and say “kneel slave” experience tells her that until further notice she has been instructed to keep quite, be pleasing on the eyes and do as I instruct with no questions or complaints.
As far as rules go the closest thing we have are long standing commands:
- Panties are not to be worn unless her cycle has started.
- She is to instruct me as soon as her cycle starts.
- She is never to place herself in a dangerous situation.
- My needs come before any one.
- If a man hits on her she is to respond with “I am sorry, I am in a dedicated relationship.” and walk away.
- Masturbation is not allowed without permission or instruction.
- Orgasm is not allowed without permission or instruction.
- Profanity is not allowed and will be punished by having her mouth washed out with soap.
- If I am at home she is not allowed to answer the phone or door.
- When I come in the front door she is to present herself to me.
- The collar is never to be removed by anyone but me, except in a health emergency situation.
- Her journal is to be done every night unless otherwise instructed.
- She may not sleep with another person without my prior knowledge and permission.
The above are not rules because situations happen that may result in the need to break these. If someone attempts to drive her off the road a “fucking asshole” screamed out the window would be acceptable. If she is in the bathroom due to food poisoning then I would prefer she stay there rather than attempt to follow some “rule” to the detriment of her health, the carpet and perhaps any guest that I may have brought home.
Another thing that tends to surprise others is that we give no stock to “limits” but instead deal in probabilities, which can be hard to explain. I consider limits to be a challenge of sorts. When someone says to me “I can’t do that” or “I won’t do that” I have to wonder why. Are they truly unable, is it a health issue, is it taboo or a religious issue? Already we have advanced past many expressed limits as we have grown spirituality, mentally and emotionally. I can not say that there exists a hard limit in my life. I tend to be willing to try anything once (except for hard drugs) and limits just tend to get in the way of our ability to grow. The issue I see is not that we have a list of limits in our minds but that we do not update that list of limits as we grow and as our experiences change. What sort of life can you live when you are limited by things that you found undesirable several years ago? Because of these issues we have agreed to rid our relationship and lives of limits, hard or soft.
To replace limits we have enacted a probability standard. There is a high probability that we will engage in bloodplay in the next three months but a low probability that I will order her to give a homeless man a blow job in an alley in the next three years. Not to say that tomorrow won’t have her blowing “Homeless Homer” but probability dictates that it’s not very likely to happen.
Thus we have removed limits and most rules from our relationship and lives, we feel this allows us to grow without being held back by artificial expectations that may have been established prior to us reaching where we are now. Many limits are caused by personal experience in the past or taboos that have been dictated to us by society. Why should we limit our lives because someone in our past told us that having sex in the middle of a park on the 4th of July was unacceptable in society? A good example of a false hard limit would be when we began our relationship, due to past experiences she had endured smacking her face was a “hard limit” and now that we have grown it has become a somewhat regular expectation during sex.
~~BloodLustDaddy~~
2 Responses to “The basics…”
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I shared this with Seth. He was just looking up rules and what not, but decided he liked your aproach better.
~~jane
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