Posted by: by surrender4love on August 3, 2008 @ 10:36 pm

Now, I have been raped before. Unwilling, forced and being completely emotionally terrified has all happened to me before. Not during a scene and not with anyone that I would have wanted to do a scene like that with.

Last night, we did our first forced rape scene. He told me to fight him and I did. He was aggressive and overbearing, mean and just in the mind set of taking it; which he did. I gave him a hard time of it. With one hand I kept squirming out of the rope, using the strength of my legs to keep moving away and trying to force my legs together. Had we been in an area in which we could have gone all out the rape and fighting would have been much more violent.

What I found the most interesting was the heat and excitement that came into play during the rape. The fighting made me wetter than I thought I would be and even with what I have been through before, there was no emotional pain. At no point during the rape did I have any emotional flash backs or fear of the previous rape experience that I have had. I found that interesting only because, as a woman I fully expected to freak out during the scene. I expected the fear, the anger and the shame but it never came. I endure more shame from having him watch me use the restroom.

Why there was no prior rape residual, I do not know. I can’t explain it at all. I am glad for it though and the possibility of being able to go all out and get more violent with a scene excites me to no end. Actually, I have been excited all day. Stuck with a constant, growing wetness between my legs knowing that he has that power to take what he wants when he wants from me. Not just because it has been given to him to take but because in a real life non-relationship situation, I now know that there would be no way I could ever over power him.

Knowing that Conquer4love is that powerful both in mind and body… well, it just makes me want to submit to him in ways that go beyond what I can physically perform now.

~~surrender4love~~

Tags: being raped, conquer4love, D/s, forced sex, rape, rape scene, submissive journal, surrender4love journal, violent sex

Category: Edge Play, In Real Life, dominance, submissive journal