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Submissive Journal: Losing Yourself As a Submissive
Alberto Vargas, 1962
Being a submissive female, sometimes those things that as a woman you need to develop on your own gets tested when you become owned. Wanting to give yourself over to a Master/Daddy/Dom/Switch or whatever you call them is a need but it’s not something that you can do unless you spend the time getting to know who you are first.
So, what happens when you take your own self worth that took years cultivating and nurturing and put it all in someone else’s hands?
Honestly, you lose yourself but not in a bad way. Losing yourself in a consensual, long term TPE is not the same as a vanilla relationship. I do want to stress though, that there is one thing that is the same and that is you cannot expect your significant other to change who you are on the inside. You cannot expect someone else to “save” you or give you a sense of self worth if you never had one to begin with. You cannot expect someone else to stop you from being yourself.
One of my main issues as a submissive female is putting others before myself and it is often to my own detriment. I know I do it and with certain people I try not to let it happen as badly but in the end I will sacrifice taking care of myself in lieu of making sure others are cared for. In general I’ll just basically let myself become worn down. I feel selfish and guilty when I take anytime to do anything for myself and that has become more so the case since entering into a 24/7TPE. I literally lose myself to other people and have a bad habit of letting that take over my self worth.
So, losing myself to others in general is not a healthy way to live. The difference is that with Daddy losing myself to him is healthy because under his control he will protect me from losing myself to other people. (Notice I said protect and not force. You cannot take an orange and force it to be an apple) He monitors me and those around me and pulls me in when he sees the need to do so. With Daddy, I have someone who will not change me but who will help me help myself. In essence, losing myself to him is more like being found than lost.
I lose myself to him because I choose to, because I trust in him as a Daddy and as a person. I lose myself into his dominance, his protection, his nurturing and his love in wanting not just the best for himself but in him wanting the best for me as well.
~surrender4love~
The Owl and the Pussy Cat…
Owl and Pussy Cat
Surrender4love looks up to me as daddy, mentor, tutor, master, provider and when she fails or does not do as requested of her then judge, juror and executioner of sorts. I have never been the sort of person to want a pre-trained submissive because my rules, desires and preferences are different than the person they may have learned from.
As her daddy I also act as her wise (not so old) owl to guide her and help her grow into a better and more structured person, to help her embrace her submission, creativity and free spirit.
She brings into my life the simple things that she falls in love with like the leaves as they change color, the rain on a summers day, the grass stains on the bottom of her feet and catching snowflakes on the tongue. As the provider I often do not notice these things in the rush to provide for the family and do what needs to be done… the little things in life that we should be enjoying get missed on a daily basis until I hear her little giggle or gasp of awe.
submissive journal: reaction to squirting
Daddy has control of me. His control reaches beyond my conscious mind and I will admit that is a little scary. However, I did not fully understand that level of control until he made me squirt and experience a full body orgasm.
What happened inside, what I felt is beyond words for me. I felt, yes. I felt more than I ever have in my life with my body exploding in different directions all at the same time. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t think. I had no control over the movement of my body at all. I was in his complete control.
And all I can think of now…is to hope that I am enough of a good girl to do it again.
~surrender4love
The death of Sir, the birth of Daddy…
It was never what I expected to happen, the term “DaddyDom” was something that always made me think of extreme age play, diapers and really unsavory thoughts… the type that make you shiver in the middle of your back with disgust. When my girl and I first got together it was agreed that “DaddyDom” was something neither of us were interested in and we agreed the thought was a huge turnoff.
We had spoken at length many times over the similarities of a parental figure and a dominant with the structure, discipline, providing needs and encouragement for growth. I provide her all the essential requirements for life; have her focus on health, education and happiness rather than providing extra income. When she is sick I am responsible for making sure that she gets better, I support her on her personal and spiritual growth. I encourage and foster her creative side while discouraging negative behavior. In many ways my tasks as her dominant are much like the tasks of a loving parent.
It happened so fluidly, naturally and was triggered by an almost joking session of role playing. We had read an entry on one of the forums relating to a girl calling her Dom by the title of “Daddy” and decided to play out the role for some sexual fun that night… this was almost 7 months ago and it was a lot of fun. The role play did not feel as weird as we thought it would and was extremely satisfying. After the play we agreed that we both liked it and that in the future if I called her “baby girl” that she was to fall into that frame of mind for play. We had only made this arrangement for play and never expected to see any flake of it outside of the bedroom.
It is still surprising how it happened because neither of us even noticed it at the time, a whispered “I love you daddy” or “your a good little girl” while out to dinner, a giggled “was I a good girl daddy?” or “you make daddy proud” slipped into our daily flirting with each other. As time went by it kept appearing more and more in our daily dealings with each other and the “smack, spank, blood and bruises” Sir that had been so prevalent in the beginning stopped being the norm. Neither of us were consciously aware of the frequency it was happening until it fell across my ears this weekend while we were out.
…read full article…
There’s a God with a whip!
Beltane by Sharyn Turner
No, I don’t mean that God. Set your minds lower to the dirtier, animalistic side of the spiritual; the Pagan side. My Horned God and all that is male centered with the universe as a whole comes to me through BloodLustDaddy. He is my physical male representative of the divine and it’s not all because he whips me. When I look at him and obey him, in a sense I am falling in line under the will of his spirit and in doing so, I honor my own spirit as well.
Our sexual and personality preferences are not something that we can detach. The same goes for our spirituality, it is not a detachable or an interchangeable aspect of who we are… it just simply is who we are.
…read full article…
surrender4love journal: our rape scene last night
Now, I have been raped before. Unwilling, forced and being completely emotionally terrified has all happened to me before. Not during a scene and not with anyone that I would have wanted to do a scene like that with.
Last night, we did our first forced rape scene. He told me to fight him and I did. He was aggressive and overbearing, mean and just in the mind set of taking it; which he did. I gave him a hard time of it. With one hand I kept squirming out of the rope, using the strength of my legs to keep moving away and trying to force my legs together. Had we been in an area in which we could have gone all out the rape and fighting would have been much more violent.
…read full article…
Living with an unreasonable man
BloodLustDaddy is opinionated, strong in his core values and unshakable in compromise. His way of life, is truly “My way or the highway”. His unreasonable nature is for me, one of the greatest things about him and what makes him an ideal Dom. He is made for dominance and he owns that aspect of himself.
Too many people skim over the surface of life being unsure of what they want. Not knowing who they are or where they stand on things; not so with BloodLustDaddy. I never have to worry about him not making a decision on anything. I never have to worry about him not allowing his dominance to be a part of everyday life. I never have to be put in the position of “toping from the bottom” in order to get through the day to day things of life; something that I have dealt with from men in past relationships.
…read full article…
I am a man, I am allowed to be unreasonable…
Before you respond read the whole fucking article.
History.
I am going to make some broad generalizations now that may upset you, please understand that these observations are based on my personal experiences. Though they may not apply to everyone I feel that I have had a large enough sampling in my years of dating to make an educated observation. I am sure there are exceptions, you may be the exception, but I am going to state things as I see them. So that you understand where I am coming from, you should know that I have what some would deem as an… excessive history of relationships. The majority of these relationships were short lived (six months to a year) with a few lasting from four years clear up to ten years.
The majority of my relationships in the past have been the very model of “normal” and “acceptable” by societies standards. As an example one of my last relationships made everyone else happy, they saw us as the “perfect couple” and often attempted to duplicate what they saw. The issue here is they were only seeing what we wanted them to see, they never saw the power struggles and the four hour arguments that took a toll on our relationship and trust for each other. Often I looked around to try and find why these things were happening in what was designed to be a good relationship. Why were we fighting? Why were we engaged in a power struggle? Why would she be manipulative? Why would she purposefully engage in behavior designed to make me jealous? Why was each day an attempt to break me down more and more from a dominant man into a easily manipulated pawn?
I have never been the type of person to be content with that “things just are” explanation. I have always been driven to understand why things are and what cause and effect exists in each situation. Being that these were vanilla relationships, questions were always left unanswered and simple questions were treated as personal attacks. By forming a group of female friends and a series of surprisingly open and honest relationships, I was able to get many of the answers that had plagued me for so many years. I am going to make my observations and provide substantial evidence in order to back up my observations. Afterwards, I will explain why I am happy to be an “unreasonable man” and how this will never change.
Observations.
- Women are manipulative
- Women are pathological liars
- Women both seek out dominant males and fear a dominant male
Woman denied citizenship for being to “submissive”
Faiza M. has lived in France since 2000. She is married to a Frenchman and has had three children in France. She has applied for French citizenship twice and has been denied both times by the French government. The reason she was denied? The French government believes she is too submissive in her marriage.
According to social services, she lives in “total submission” to her husband and male relatives including her father and brother-in-law. Click here to read full article over at the Scotsman News online.
Now, when I first saw the headline: Burka-wearing woman denied citizenship for being ’submissive’, I thought that surely this must be some kind of joke. You know, maybe a case of sensationalizing a headline just to get people to read it but nope, it’s true.
…read full article…
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