Alberto Vargas, 1962

Being a submissive female, sometimes those things that as a woman you need to develop on your own gets tested when you become owned. Wanting to give yourself over to a Master/Daddy/Dom/Switch or whatever you call them is a need but it’s not something that you can do unless you spend the time getting to know who you are first.

So, what happens when you take your own self worth that took years cultivating and nurturing and put it all in someone else’s hands?

Honestly, you lose yourself but not in a bad way. Losing yourself in a consensual, long term TPE is not the same as a vanilla relationship. I do want to stress though, that there is one thing that is the same and that is you cannot expect your significant other to change who you are on the inside. You cannot expect someone else to “save” you or give you a sense of self worth if you never had one to begin with. You cannot expect someone else to stop you from being yourself.

One of my main issues as a submissive female is putting others before myself and it is often to my own detriment. I know I do it and with certain people I try not to let it happen as badly but in the end I will sacrifice taking care of myself in lieu of making sure others are cared for. In general I’ll just basically let myself become worn down. I feel selfish and guilty when I take anytime to do anything for myself and that has become more so the case since entering into a 24/7TPE.  I literally lose myself to other people and have a bad habit of letting that take over my self worth.

So, losing myself to others in general is not a healthy way to live. The difference is that with Daddy  losing myself to him  is healthy because under his control he will protect me from losing myself to other people. (Notice I said protect and not force. You cannot take an orange and force it to be an apple) He monitors me and those around me and pulls me in when he sees the need to do so. With Daddy, I have someone who will not change me but who will help me help myself. In essence, losing myself to him is more like being found than lost.

I lose myself to him because I choose to, because I trust in him as a Daddy and as a person.  I lose myself into his dominance, his protection, his nurturing and his love in wanting not just the best for himself but in him wanting the best for me as well.

~surrender4love~

Owl and Pussy Cat

Surrender4love looks up to me as daddy, mentor, tutor, master, provider and when she fails or does not do as requested of her then judge, juror and executioner of sorts. I have never been the sort of person to want a pre-trained submissive because my rules, desires and preferences are different than the person they may have learned from.

As her daddy I also act as her wise (not so old) owl to guide her and help her grow into a better and more structured person, to help her embrace her submission, creativity and free spirit.

She brings into my life the simple things that she falls in love with like the leaves as they change color, the rain on a summers day, the grass stains on the bottom of her feet and catching snowflakes on the tongue. As the provider I often do not notice these things in the rush to provide for the family and do what needs to be done… the little things in life that we should be enjoying get missed on a daily basis until I hear her little giggle or gasp of awe.

Like a good little babygirl she is always happy to see me, running up for hugs and kisses, speaking about things that excite her at 100 words a second and coming up just to randomly brush her hand against me for the physical contact.

It is easy to forget in a D/s relationship dynamic that everyone involved brings something important into the relationship just as everyone involved has to sacrifice to keep the relationship and family alive.

Surrender4love sacrifices in her choice to allow me to control her life, in following my decision that she work from home, in following my demands that the house be clean, in prepping dinner every night and waking the family during the day… she gives up parts of herself to ensure that others in the household are provided for on an emotional and spiritual level.

I work to provide roof and sustenance to the family, to ensure that our lights are on and the heat is paid. I analyze the direction we need to go and make sure that everyone is united towards the same goal. I do my best to make sure that babygirl does not forget to take time to be creative by writing and doing her artwork. I remind her when she is focusing so much on others that she begins to forget the things that are important to her.

Though this is a D/s relationship it is not, and will never be, a one sided relationship. She brings as much into the relationship as I do and sacrifices just as much as I do… we have a real world relationship that requires more than a “fuck me” dom dynamic.

I greatly value what she brings to the relationship because through her eyes (though she is the same age as I) I see the happy things in life and am able to smile at the sight of two small birds fighting over a large twig, things I would not have noticed if not for her.

She is sitting next to me right this moment and is starting to cry… that’s another important thing she brings in, the raw emotion fed by love and happiness.

~~BloodLustDaddy~~

What happened inside, what I felt is beyond words for me. I felt, yes. I felt more than I ever have in my life with my body exploding in different directions all at the same time. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t think. I had no control over the movement of my body at all. I was in his complete control.

And all I can think of now…is to hope that I am enough of a good girl to do it again.

~surrender4love

We had spoken at length many times over the similarities of a parental figure and a dominant with the structure, discipline, providing needs and encouragement for growth. I provide her all the essential requirements for life; have her focus on health, education and happiness rather than providing extra income. When she is sick I am responsible for making sure that she gets better, I support her on her personal and spiritual growth. I encourage and foster her creative side while discouraging negative behavior. In many ways my tasks as her dominant are much like the tasks of a loving parent.

It happened so fluidly, naturally and was triggered by an almost joking session of role playing. We had read an entry on one of the forums relating to a girl calling her Dom by the title of “Daddy” and decided to play out the role for some sexual fun that night… this was almost 7 months ago and it was a lot of fun. The role play did not feel as weird as we thought it would and was extremely satisfying. After the play we agreed that we both liked it and that in the future if I called her “baby girl” that she was to fall into that frame of mind for play. We had only made this arrangement for play and never expected to see any flake of it outside of the bedroom.

It is still surprising how it happened because neither of us even noticed it at the time, a whispered “I love you daddy” or “your a good little girl” while out to dinner, a giggled “was I a good girl daddy?” or “you make daddy proud” slipped into our daily flirting with each other. As time went by it kept appearing more and more in our daily dealings with each other and the “smack, spank, blood and bruises” Sir that had been so prevalent in the beginning stopped being the norm. Neither of us were consciously aware of the frequency it was happening until it fell across my ears this weekend while we were out.

I had been thinking at great lengths to myself that it had been quite a while since I had used my favored impact toy “Beelzebub” and I was trying to figure out why. Where had my raw physical aggression gone and why did I not notice it missing sooner? A huge change in what is perceived as “Normal” behavior in a dominant or submissive is often a warning sign of insecurities or lack of personal fulfillment but this was not the case as I was still extremely happy with everything.

We were on our way from the house to the car when I told surrender4love to put something in the trunk of the car. The answer I received at that exact moment, while my mind was pondering where crop wielding Sir had gone off to was a shock that shook the foundations of what we thought our relationship was. Her response was a simple “Yes daddy”, clear as a bell and spoken at normal conversation volume while out in public. This was not the whispered flirting, this was not the sexual innuendo breathed across my ear to entice my hormones… no, this was a natural response in a natural moment while she was preoccupied with matters other than her sexuality and flirting.

Things started to fall into place at such a mind numbing pace that I was speechless for about half an hour. My mind churned around the events that lead to this revelation and the thought that if the words had not been spoken at that exact moment, perhaps I would have pondered over the issue for days or weeks.  Crop wielding Sir had been away for a reason, a reason that was neither forced nor manufactured but was so natural that neither of us had even taken note of it. Daddy has taken over and surprisingly both of us have been thrilled with the change.

We have spoken at great lengths about the matter now and agree that it is something we desire, something that was natural and something that we are ok with. Perhaps, it was a result of the time I have taken in trying to clear us of underlying insecurities and fears. Perhaps, it was the role playing sessions we have created trying to live out our desired meetings as younger adults or maybe it was just a natural occurrence due to personal growth. I am not sure of an exact answer but I accept it for what it is.

My girl will still wear crop marks. Needles and knives will still draw her blood and she will still face her deepest fears along with desires at my hands. Beelzebub will still mark flesh and ropes will still bind her and bend her to my will. In the change from Sir to Daddy and with reviewing past events I see that I have more control, more caring and less aggression as Daddy then I did as Sir… and I am not only ok with this, I am ecstatic.

~~BloodLustDaddy~~

Beltane by Sharyn Turner

No, I don’t mean that God. Set your minds lower to the dirtier, animalistic side of the spiritual; the Pagan side. My Horned God and all that is male centered with the universe as a whole comes to me through BloodLustDaddy. He is my physical male representative of the divine and it’s not all because he whips me. When I look at him and obey him, in a sense I am falling in line under the will of his spirit and in doing so, I honor my own spirit as well.

Our sexual and personality preferences are not something that we can detach. The same goes for our spirituality, it is not a detachable or an interchangeable aspect of who we are… it just simply is who we are.

I do understand that there are some people who won’t understand this concept and that’s okay. For me though, being submissive and under BloodLustDaddy’s command is not at all unlike that of being a rock polished or carved by the force of water. I see both of us as pure forces of nature. We are as natural as the Earth and in keeping with the laws of the natural world we share that balance that exists all around us but is rarely honored or set free in the constrained mainstream world that our society has created. His dominance balances me and fuels the fire of who I really am. BloodLustDaddy’s ownership of me makes me a better submissive, a better woman and a better person on all planes of existence.

There is a beauty in being unable to separate our spirituality with our D/s lifestyle. We have freedom in and through each other because of BDSM being a regular part of everyday life and not just something we do every few years. Honestly, I don’t think that now I could handle not having the lifestyle being our LIFESTYLE.

Such things as Chakra alignment and channeling energy through each other’s bodies is apart of what we do, along with exploring the events and experiences that make up all of the little pieces inside us as humans. We exude spirituality in every little thing we do because we accept that spirit energy that makes up the core of who we are in conjunction with the mundane physical world that we live in. D/s, BDSM, Paganism and universal energy all align with one another to support our spirits from the inside. You can think of it a little, as the ribbon that runs through a corset piercing.

Last night, we did our first forced rape scene. He told me to fight him and I did. He was aggressive and overbearing, mean and just in the mind set of taking it; which he did. I gave him a hard time of it. With one hand I kept squirming out of the rope, using the strength of my legs to keep moving away and trying to force my legs together. Had we been in an area in which we could have gone all out the rape and fighting would have been much more violent.

What I found the most interesting was the heat and excitement that came into play during the rape. The fighting made me wetter than I thought I would be and even with what I have been through before, there was no emotional pain. At no point during the rape did I have any emotional flash backs or fear of the previous rape experience that I have had. I found that interesting only because, as a woman I fully expected to freak out during the scene. I expected the fear, the anger and the shame but it never came. I endure more shame from having him watch me use the restroom.

Why there was no prior rape residual, I do not know. I can’t explain it at all. I am glad for it though and the possibility of being able to go all out and get more violent with a scene excites me to no end. Actually, I have been excited all day. Stuck with a constant, growing wetness between my legs knowing that he has that power to take what he wants when he wants from me. Not just because it has been given to him to take but because in a real life non-relationship situation, I now know that there would be no way I could ever over power him.

Knowing that BloodLustDaddy is that powerful both in mind and body… well, it just makes me want to submit to him in ways that go beyond what I can physically perform now.

~~surrender4love~~

Too many people skim over the surface of life being unsure of what they want. Not knowing who they are or where they stand on things; not so with BloodLustDaddy. I never have to worry about him not making a decision on anything. I never have to worry about him not allowing his dominance to be a part of everyday life. I never have to be put in the position of “toping from the bottom” in order to get through the day to day things of life; something that I have dealt with from men in past relationships.

As a female, I don’t see anything wrong with his statements on women. And this is not just because I am his sub. If I had a problem with his views on women, I wouldn’t be here. We are trained to manipulate men. To take their masculinity away from them is a part of the learning social structure of female’s in our society. If you are upset by his statements, more than likely it’s not his words that have angered you but it his honesty of what he is saying that you find hard to face within yourself and in society.

I never embraced the training of men growing up and because of that every relationship that has come before now has failed. Once in a relationship, I refused to try and train the man even when instructed to do so by their own mother. I refused to be a “nag”, refused to be another mother to them and refused to be their responsibility scapegoat. By refusing to act as what society would expect the vanilla relationships to perform as, the relationships had no possibility of being successful by today’s standards.

Men are not weak on their own; we and the society that we live in make them that way. The mainstream media helps to perpetuate the inane ideal that a man must be macho and stupid. Men are shown to be bumbling about through life unable to make a decision about anything on their own without a woman coming by to save him from himself. We’re not saviors, ladies we are nurtures and it’s about time we owned that as well.

Now, when BloodLustDaddy has a command and I don’t fully understand where he is coming from…I still perform the command. I trust in his being unreasonable and in his right to do what he does even if there is no other reason for it other than his personal gratification.

~surrender4love~

History.

I am going to make some broad generalizations now that may upset you, please understand that these observations are based on my personal experiences. Though they may not apply to everyone I feel that I have had a large enough sampling in my years of dating to make an educated observation. I am sure there are exceptions, you may be the exception, but I am going to state things as I see them. So that you understand where I am coming from, you should know that I have what some would deem as an… excessive history of relationships. The majority of these relationships were short lived (six months to a year) with a few lasting from four years clear up to ten years.

The majority of my relationships in the past have been the very model of “normal” and “acceptable” by societies standards. As an example one of my last relationships made everyone else happy, they saw us as the “perfect couple” and often attempted to duplicate what they saw. The issue here is they were only seeing what we wanted them to see, they never saw the power struggles and the four hour arguments that took a toll on our relationship and trust for each other. Often I looked around to try and find why these things were happening in what was designed to be a good relationship. Why were we fighting? Why were we engaged in a power struggle? Why would she be manipulative? Why would she purposefully engage in behavior designed to make me jealous? Why was each day an attempt to break me down more and more from a dominant man into a easily manipulated pawn?

I have never been the type of person to be content with that “things just are” explanation. I have always been driven to understand why things are and what cause and effect exists in each situation. Being that these were vanilla relationships, questions were always left unanswered and simple questions were treated as personal attacks. By forming a group of female friends and a series of surprisingly open and honest relationships, I was able to get many of the answers that had plagued me for so many years. I am going to make my observations and provide substantial evidence in order to back up my observations. Afterwards, I will explain why I am happy to be an “unreasonable man” and how this will never change.

Observations.

1. Women are manipulative
2. Women are pathological liars
3. Women both seek out dominant males and fear a dominant male

I understand that you may consider these to be brash statements so let me expand on each point and provide proof to my comments. Keeping in mind that I do not see women as starting out this way but that they develop these traits based on pressure in our society.

1. Women are manipulative.

In general women are raised from childhood being taught that men are stupid, stubborn, indecisive and ultimately unable to take care of themselves or anyone else. Mass media is filled with examples of men who are unable to make even the most basic decisions unless it involves a grill or a sport with lots of other men and a round object. Examples of this are easy to spot in nearly any commercial aimed at the female demographic as well as nearly every soap opera and prime time T.V. series. When was the last time you saw “Tim Taylor” from “Tool Time”, “George Lopez” from the “George Lopez Show” or even “Bill Cosby” from the “Bill Cosby Show” provide happily for their families while cleanly taking care of all the family issue that come up during the day? All of these men and many more are shown to be bumbling idiots who can never do anything right and require the wife to come home and fix everything the man has screwed up. Mass media makes it very clear that men are not that bright and because we are stubborn the only way to actually get a male to do anything correctly is to manipulate him into either doing it right or getting someone else to do it for him. Men being stubborn and indecisive requires that women manipulate the situation to get the desired result while attempting to make the man believe that it was his idea from the start.

Things have taken a turn for the worse in society regarding the normal power structure that is perpetrated by all major media outlets. No longer is Ricky(I Love Lucy) coming home to his loving wife and taking care of any issues that may have come up during the day, now Tim is coming home and fucking everything up requiring Jill to manipulate him into a happy outcome. I am unsure of exactly where this transition took place however, I am fairly confident that this is yet another unacceptable bi-product of the post-feminist era of the sexual revolution. I can already see the trolls getting ready to flame me to hell but WAIT AND FINISH THE FUCKING ARTICLE FIRST. One may believe that it was perhaps a requirement that to raise up one social group another had to be brought down. However, I believe that this is just another case of mistaken intent based on a few extremists that got involved. At some point feminism changed from a focus of equality to a focus of man hating and female superiority. Even many of the founders of the feminist movement have withdrawn and condemned the actions taken as outside of the intended results.

To further substantiate my stance on point: I call into question the lovely set of best selling female training manuals “The Rules” by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, self professed “Dating Coaches” (I will not link to such lie filled and manipulative tripe, so just Google for “The Rules” if you really want to read the worst of the worst crap). I do recommend that males take the time to read these books as it will provide a perfect (and best selling, mind you) example of how women are trained to believe that males are incapable of providing, deciding and being dependable. These “Rules” instruct women on how to catch a man and through manipulation entice him into a marriage that is based entirely on lies and deceit. My concern, is that as women grow from childhood though adulthood and then into parenthood these stereotypes are force fed to their male children creating generations of men who believe that “Al Bundy” from “Married with children” is not only an acceptable personality but that it is actually desirable.

2. Women are pathological liars

This comes not from some inherent internal flaw that exists in the female genome but is another example of the training that has been used through the years to brainwash females into what is now an acceptable and standard practice when dealing with men. Because men are so easily confused by maps and how to put their pants on, women are required to lie to men in order to get them to be productive. Rather than teach women to be honest and express their desires and feelings, they are taught that any show of emotion is a weakness that men will exploit for their own benefit. Women now enter into and maintain relationships where they are truly not happy because they are forced to hold their thoughts and feelings inside and use deception in order to achieve the outcome they desire or the outcome they believe they should have regardless of whether this outcome is either fulfilling or truly desirable.

This training is completely unacceptable in my opinion and is just another catalyst to the high divorce rates that exist in today’s world. To attempt to train an entire sub-group of modern humanity that deception, manipulation and lying are acceptable and required traits when dealing with those we wish to have a relationship with, is as much a crime as instructing your child that stealing is ok and that everyone is doing it.

Each woman is personally responsible for her actions in furthering this tactic, and as I see it are the ones that will primarily have to deal with the results. Unless women make a conscious decision to ignore the tripe they have been force fed from childhood and embrace a more honest, and as a result spiritually filling, existence then as more and more men grow up into the stereotypes that they are being portrayed as, women will find it more difficult or nearly imposable to actually find a truly desirable mate.

3. Women both seek out dominant males and fear a dominant male

There is a social yin and yang that exists in society that is clearly at odds with most females personal desires when it comes to a mate. In general, women desire a man who is dominant and capable of providing for her and the family while being internally torn by the ideals that have been falsely implanted into them. When women begin relationships that are more then just sexual pleasure they have been attracted to this male based on desirable traits. On one hand a strong, dedicated and dominant man is the ideal mate but the relationship will quickly turn into a power play with the end result being the very traits that were attractive, being striped from the male. Women expend a huge amount of effort to attract this desirable man into a relationship, once the man is in the relationship an even larger amount of effort is expended in an attempt to keep the man in the relationship. Both of these are acceptable and expected actions however the next step is clearly self destructive… Women, when they have the man in the relationship will then begin to needle away at the mans ego and strengths, until what they end up with is a husk that has no desirable attributes. This behavior is built from the very internal fear that woman have of a strong and dominant man.

Society has taught women that dominance is something to be feared and eradicated at nearly any cost. Society is filled with people who are incapable of seeing that a balance can exist between dominance and submission, that leads both people being happy. Women are trained that dominance cannot exist without one person being placed forcibly into a position of servitude. This dominance cannot exist without the other person being striped of their own personalities and desires. Dominance in today’s world is seen as indistinguishable from of an abusive personality type. Surely, no person would willingly submit to the authority of another human and when this happens clearly, the poor woman is in an abusive relationship and must be saved.

These are false and narrow minded restrictions that are placed on terms used to describe traits in males. For the majority of people in today’s society they are unable to differentiate an abusive personality from a dominant personality, simply because there are a few minor similarities between the two. It is my personal opinion that what separates a dominant personality from an abusive personality is mental illness. Each personality should be dealt with on a case by case basis but this is not what has happened. Rather then treating an abusive personality as a mental illness and dominance as a desirable trait, they are both clumped together in the same category because there may be a few, although minor, similarities in the personality profiles. This is the same society that glares down at jealously and sees it as an unacceptable and dangerous emotion rather than accepting that the only people who become that dangerous in the grips of jealously are the same people that already have existing mental stability issues. Rather than attempt to differentiate and understand either dominance or jealously, they are both just treated as dangerous warning signs and are met with scorn and hatred. Has society become so bitter towards our existence that all emotions and traits need to be eradicated simply because there are a few fucking wackos that are mentally instable? Next time some gunman takes pot shots at innocent people while laughing, are we going to label happiness as a dangerous trait that must be eradicated? Don’t believe me? Try getting on an airplane while being extremely happy and see how far past screening you will get before they pull you aside for a “personal conversation”. Emotions and personality traits should be understood and embraced, not discarded and ignored.

Even the most simple dominant traits displayed publicly by females in society are deemed as acceptable, while the same traits displayed by males can easily be punished by forced “anger management” classes. Why is it acceptable that females in today’s society are allowed to be dominant, while the males are punished for the same traits even when there is no violence attached to the display of dominance?

Why I am happy to be a “unreasonable man” and always will be.

This is not a point in the list but is an explanation of where this article originates from. I am a picky person when it comes to my core values and I refuse to compromise. I have lived long enough with my traits being systematically attacked in nearly every relationship I have entered into. I am a loving, gentle, caring, providing, honest, intelligent and dominant man and I refuse to compromise these traits based on some propaganda meant to belittle men as a whole. After being made aware of the systematic attacks taking place on the personalities of males, I made a conscious decision not to allow these actions into my relationship. My girl is not a captive in this relationship, she is a happy and willing participant. I have made my intentions in the relationship clear and have never swayed from my dedication to being in control of where we go. Long ago I decided that this life is mine to live and direct and anyone that wishes to join along on this journey is welcome. However, anyone attempting to take control of the steering wheel will be left behind.

Surrender4love has grown much in the short period that our relationship has existed and I trust that if she were to decide that she no longer wished to ride along with me she would leave the relationship as a better and wiser person than when she entered into the relationship. Both of us have learned a lot about ourselves and society in general during our relationship and I feel that we have both taught each other a lot. If the relationship were to end, I feel we are both better people than when we started. She would be greatly missed but she is not a captive and can leave at any time she feels the need to. I have explained to her that if she made the decision to leave there would be no hard feelings;though, she would be missed dearly.

It all comes down to me being an unreasonable man. I have decided where in life I am going and how I am going to get there. I will not allow anyone to compromise my ideals and will no longer sacrifice myself for the sake of a relationship. I will not be manipulated by someone entering into my life no matter what their views on males and dominance might be. During our relationship I am sure more females will come and go, coming when they feel it is time and leaving when they feel they need to.

No matter who comes or goes I will keep my integrity and be truthful to myself, and by today’s standards and by “The Rules” this makes me an unreasonable man.

So be it. This unreasonable man is going to bed and taking his girl with him. Perhaps, tomorrow she will tell you the advantages of being with an unreasonable man. Till then, I will make her do unreasonable and dirty things.

~~BloodLustDaddy~~

According to social services, she lives in “total submission” to her husband and male relatives including her father and brother-in-law. Click here to read full article over at the Scotsman News online.

Now, when I first saw the headline: Burka-wearing woman denied citizenship for being ‘submissive’, I thought that surely this must be some kind of joke. You know, maybe a case of sensationalizing a headline just to get people to read it but nope, it’s true.

Granted, the submission in question is due to religious beliefs but I feel that it is still pertinent to the lifestyle choices that we make in living D/s. It’s absolutely ridiculous to me that a governing body has the right to tell a woman she is too submissive. Historically, a woman’s role has been forcibly submissive within society up until the sexual revolution. I think that in this case it is more of a religious issue with France not wanting to give citizenship to Muslims and that the woman’s submission is just a scapegoat for them in that regard.

I couldn’t imagine my local government here in America denying me any rights because I was too submissive. If anything, in America woman are denied more for being forced into independence than submission and society plays more of a role in that than the local government does. I’m looked down on for being owned in society. Looked at as less than a human being, an object that people must feel sorry for and try to liberate because I cannot go anywhere or do anything without permission from BloodLustDaddy.

People stare when I go out, like they did today while grocery shopping. My hair up in a pony tail and my collar clearly showing with the metal screws in the back; there is no mistaking my collar for a necklace anymore since he made a new one for me. Family members get irritated with me because I cannot just pick up and do random shopping trips with them or just go out with them in general. One family member has even started asking BloodLustDaddy if I can go out instead of coming to me because it became too much of an issue for me to tell them “I don’t know if I can go, let me check with BloodLustDaddy.” And going through all of this is okay. I made the choice to be submissive to BloodLustDaddy because I trust him with every aspect of my life. I am submissive by nature and being in a D/s relationship with him 24/7 allows me the freedom to be simply who I am.

~surrender4love~