As someone who has been involved in a successful, real life, same house, long term D/s relationship I find those who take issue with the “submission is a gift” topic to either have an over inflated sense of entitlement or have no real understanding of the concept of choice and how it applies to their lives and relationship.

I was explaining to someone recently who had referenced it as “slave worship” that if their view of the world is so narrow that other peoples choices are beyond her comprehensions then the issue is hers to deal with and not everyone else’s.

Let’s not forget that this is a bottom issue as well as a top issue. I have seen many a bottom make fanciful and romantic quotes about “my submission is not given, its taken” and “even when I don’t want to submit he makes me” which is nothing other then trying to romanticize their relationship via Norman quotes… if truly they are forced to submit without their consent then the police should be called.

Unless there is a threat of death to the bottom if s/he does not do as the top instructs then the situation is built entirely out of trust and CHOICE. If there is the threat of death then the situation is no longer consensual and should be dissolved as soon as the poor sub can get to a phone to have the police called in on the “master”… preferably with tasers and Billy clubs involved… and orifice searches by a cop who for some unknown reason goes by the name Bear or Tiny.

I have to laugh at the sub/slaves who say “My Master is a real Master, he forces my submission” because it’s a bunch of fanciful and romantic crap… unless you are risking death when your master tells you to do something then you are making a choice, you either do it, don’t do it and take the punishment or walk the hell out of the relationship. Let’s accept what the relationship is, a series of choices.

Contracts and power of attorney transfers won’t hold up in court if “mister mighty master” decides he wants to chop off “Master_Mighty’s_Slave_Girls” left ear because she wasn’t listening, they are just another tool to establish the power exchange in the relationships and are as empty legally as the collar the subs wear.

That seems to be the stance I have seen, those who see submission as a gift and that their lifestyles are filled with choices no matter how “true” of a slave they are, and those who build their relationship off of a series of choice which they then hide behind terms such as “real master”, “real slave” and “real submissive”.

I for one would never take a “real” or “no limit” slave into my household, I would be so wrapped up in trying to show them where their limits are that it would become an obsession… better to take someone who understands that our lives and lifestyles, no matter how “real” or “deep”, are just a series of choices on both sides.

Which brings me to my next question, if you make a “deep real no-limit life salve” use her safe word do you get a cookie? Personally I want someone grounded in reality rather than floating around in Gor headspace or in the Arthurian era of the Beauty books.

Please understand that I am not attacking those who are Gorean, I have read the books and feel that they are a great example of how honor, trust and responsibility should be brought back into our lives despite the fact that we live in a corrupt world filled with fakes, phonies and liars. My issue is with those who are so wrapped up in the fantasy of Gor that they believe that their slave can not make the choice to leave and if she tries the master can track her down and kill/lash/hobble her. Accept that it’s a fantasy series and that at no time in the future will you track down a lost freewoman, brand her and introduce her to her slavery by tying her across your latest bosk kill and raping her.

To each their own and may you find what makes you happy. For me reality and the gift of my subs submission makes me happy. Whine and complain about how I live MY life all you want, while you do that I will be living happily.

Last time we tried the fantasy stuff the damn dice kept getting lost, those 1d100 are like marbles… they just keep rolling. I still don’t know if I successfully completed my “level 12 spell of virginal ass raping” before she completed her “summon level 40 female rights lawyer”… And now in “Advanced BDSM 4th edition” they nerf’d the “True Dom” class at level 12… bastards!

~~BloodLustDaddy~~

Sex
Being a dominant I like it rough… I like sex that is sweaty, leaves bruises and leaves you gasping with the exertion. I am old enough to know most of the things I like and most of the things that I do not like. From time to time we do have “loverly” sex that is passionate and romantic, however it is very much the exception in our relationship and both of us feel that as such it makes these times all the better.

My pet
Love. This is not a case of infatuation or lust, I truly do love her with every part of my being. I know she loves me just as much and that is what enables us to get through the rough spots in life. My love for her is what limits our relationship to D/s rather than M/s. I have always felt that for an M/s relationship there has to be a detachment, an aloofness between the master and the slave. Personally I see a slave as an object, like the couch, a table or the dog because they exist and are owned. My pet is not my slave because I do care for her, so other than short periods of play she is my submissive and not my slave.

Sexual Partners
Yes we are looking for someone for part time play, this person will not be allowed into our lives outside of the relationship and will not be brought in to be a part of our family. We are looking for someone either in the local area who is willing to play around or someone who doesn’t mind if we fly out for a weekend of play now and then. In the future we WILL be looking for someone full time who can become a part of the family though not now or anytime soon. In any play dates both my girl and I will be involved, this is a package and as such the person must be willing to deal with that. The person who we play with will have to be submissive to me as either a sub or a slave and will have to be either submissive to or equal to my girl. Any person who comes to play with us will NOT be replacing my girl and any attempts to usurp her position will be met with a trip to the door and a not so polite goodbye.

Drama
I despise Drama queens almost as much as I despise liars. I do not associate with people who cause or feed off of drama. I have better things to do with my life then engage in drama. Family and associates who attempt to bring drama into our lives will quickly find us no longer involved in their lives.

Submission
I find my girls submission to me to be the greatest gift she could ever give, her choice to allow me to dominate her life, decisions and actions is truly priceless and I would not trade it for all the ‘nilla sex in the world.

Responsibility
I understand fully well the responsibilities I have as her Dominant and occasional master, together we are on a journey of learning ourselves and each other. I am very much of the mind that together we will find and push limits, but with each wall that we break down and each boundary we push past care has to be taken before, during and after.

Family and friends
To me there is no such thing as friends, I have family and associates. People who become very close to us, are trustworthy, honest and loyal will find themselves considered as part of our family. Anyone who is not family is either a stranger or an associate, period. Many people feel that this would lead to a “lonely” life but I find this not to be the case, those who we surround ourselves with are truly people that we can count on in every way.

Well, hope everyone has a nice evening. Please feel free to ask us any questions you might have and we will answer as soon as we can.

~~BloodLustDaddy~~

In Raleigh, North Carolina what seems to have started with consensual sex between two male adults has resulted in both men being charged with “crimes against nature”.

Though a law passed by the U.S. Supreme Court 2003 prevents states from bringing charges against consenting adults the law was never removed from the books in the state, both men face a possible two years in prison if convicted.

I find it totally unacceptable that either man was booked under what is an illegal state law. The thought that these mens lives could be ruined because of the shortsightedness of the state regarding human nature and personal sexual preference is just shocking. Make note that from the article the men are not charged with abuse (for the biting and threats) but are charged with illegal adult sodomy.

~~BloodLustDaddy~~

We have both been missing the time we normally would have together, life coming day after day and emergency after emergency. Tonight I stole some time back, and I want her.

As she hears the snapping of the leather belt clearing the belt loops one at a time… snap, snap, snap… her body responds with goose bumps across her back and down her arm.

All I ask of the gods tonight is allow me to give her the time she deserves, let the world sleep while we engage in our ritual of love, leave us to our devices and allow us our time together…

~~BloodLustDaddy~~

~~BloodLustDaddy~~

The collar Surrender4love wears is a sign of her submission, her level of ownership and her total devotion to me in all matters. During the times that Surrender4love has gone without her collar she has felt detached from herself, her life and our relationship. Nothing thrills me more than seeing my girl in her collar;nothing gets me more excited than grabbing my girls collar and pulling her close to me. It’s a physical and publicly visible symbol of her choice to allow someone else to control her choices and actions in life.

Our choice to establish our lifestyle as a D/s relationship rather then an M/s relationship is primarily because she has the ability to enter into the mindset of a slave and my ability to truly enter into a master mindset when I feel that such is needed. We feel that in the long run having my girl be a slave would take away many of the little things that made me fall in love with her those many years ago: her love of being random, her love of creating art and her history of seeing the simplest things in the world as amazing. If my girl was to become a 24/7 slave these things would quickly dissolve away in her submission and thus destroy the very things I value so much in her.

Neither of us take the collar lightly. Both of us understand its meaning to us and its symbolism of our relationship. When I placed the collar around her neck I knew I was agreeing to someone allowing me to make all major decisions in the relationship and in our lives together. To me this level of submission is not a joke and is not just a sexual game, I consider myself responsible for every decision I make on her behalf.

Through the collar, my dominance and her submission we have found a relationship that matches our personalities perfectly and have both found what we consider to be the most loving, happy and fulfilling relationship either of us have had in our 30+ years of life on this chaotic planet.

~~BloodLustDaddy~~

I walk in the door and first thing I had to do was go through security. I took my shoes off, keys and such and placed them on the little conveyor belt and walked on through. A loud beep then proceeded to follow me through the machine. So, I step out and two security guards run the wands over me and it beeps right at my waist. One of the security guys asks me to take my glasses off, which I do. The other security guy asks me if I am wearing a belt, to which I replied no. Now, I am in a dress wearing no panties as is a rule from my Dom, no panties unless he specifically tells me to put them on.

Going through the machine a second time, half-blind without my glasses the beep goes off again. Now, all three security guards grab some wands and have me stand with my legs spread and arms out so that they can better check out my possible hidden threat. The beeping goes off at my wrists, my neck and my ankles. From some reason, the second security guard insists that I’m wearing a belt under my dress… to which again I replied that I am not and that there is no need to inspect that area; trying to get them not to take me in some back room and search me because the highlight of my day would not be three senior citizen security guards having a gander at what is undoubtedly property of BloodLustDaddy. So, they decided since they cannot find anything to have me go through the machine yet again but I am told to walk through it as slowly as I can.

On to the third time: I proceed as slowly as I can through the machine much to the irritation of the pregnant lady and Mormon gentleman waiting in line behind me to get through security as well. Again, despite my stealth ambulation the machine beeps. All three security guards once again grab their wands and have me spread my legs and stretch my arms out. They proceed to now slowly run these wands over my body again. The first security guard holds a wand at my wrists while it beeps, the second one holds a wand at my neck while it beeps and the third, on his knees at my feet holds a wand at my ankles while it beeps. The first security guard says now that they have found the problem all I have to do is take my jewelry off. I just stand there …

“Mamm, did you hear me? All you have to do is take the jewelry off”
“Yes, I heard you. See the thing is… I can’t take it off.

“Excuse me?”

Standing with my legs spread and my arms stretched out, facing the pregnant lady and Mormon guy I repeat myself.

“I cannot take the jewelry off.”

The second security guard doesn’t seem to believe me, so he proceeds to tell me to lift my hair so he can check out my necklace, while the other two inspect my wrists and ankles. Tugging on what he thinks is my necklace he quickly finds out that I am indeed telling the truth.

So, in front of the pregnant lady and the Mormon guy, he says:
“Your one of them slaves aren’t ya? Hey, Bob we have us a real slave.”

“Yes, yes I am one those slaves. Can I go now?”

The pregnant lady gasps “Oh, my God!” The Mormon guy walks back out the front door. The security guys put their wands back, they give me my shoes and glasses and inform me that until I take the slave jewelry off I will not be allowed in the courthouse. I gather my things, try to keep myself as composed as possible and walk out the door. All in all, I’m just really glad that one guard gave up on claiming that I was wearing a belt.

Did I ever pay the ticket? Yes, I did though I had to call to get an extension on paying it due to not being able to get in the building. BloodLustDaddy promptly took off my chains and collar for the afternoon that I was due to go pay the ticket off.

Thinking about it now though, really where else would wearing slave jewelry be more appropriate than at the local courthouse?

~~,~~’~~,~~’~~{@ Surrender4love

Dominance in the family and relationship is important and one of the major factors to the success of our relationship.
I have been in many vanilla relationships in the past but they were always tarnished with the back and forth power plays that plaque most “equal” couples. Our D/s relationship has allowed me to take the reigns in our relationship and direct where the family goes, where we focus our efforts and how we get where we are going.

Dominance is so much more then just taking the lead, it forces me to be totally accountable for bad decisions that I make.
I am human and from time to time I will make mistakes, I will head down the wrong road in an attempt to get us where we are going, and I am responsible when I make those decisions. Before I make a decision on where we are going I have to try and take into account everything that can go wrong and plan based on those possibilities.

Dominance is not “never having to say your sorry”, dominance is making choices which will limit the number of times you have to say it.
I have a dominant personality however it is my girl’s submission that allows us to travel through this world and down its paths with little impedance. Anyone can be dominant through force or lack of respect; I however am dominant in the relationship because of our respect.

My girl trusts and respects me enough to make decisions that are in our best interest.
My girl honors me with that trust and respect. She believes that I will always take her desires, interests and welfare into account. If I started to ignore her needs and not take her welfare into account she knows that she has the ability to take that submission back. If I became abusive in a way that would force her to withdraw her submission from me then that would be the end of our relationship since at that point it would not be healthy on either the dominant or submissive sides.

Dominance to me means always having to place the needs of those I lead above myself.
I have always been a provider because I was raised that way from a very young age. I was ingrained with the ideals that a man provides for his family even to the detriment of himself. If one of the members of the family needs something that I also need they will receive it before I do. If my girl needs medical or dental care and it is within our means she will be seen before I am, because I am to provide for her first. This is not part of our agreement; it is just how I am.

Punishment allows us to move past minor issues and never look back.
In our relationship I issue punishment when I feel that my commands have not been followed in the proper manor. I will also issue punishment if I feel that I have been disrespected or slighted. The act of punishment allows us to move past these inevitable circumstances that will occur because we are human and focus again on the relationship. When something that my girl has done upsets me I let her know why and what the punishment will be. This prevents (or limits) the situation happening again and keeps us from playing the destructive “remember that time you <said/did/didn’t do> this and upset me” nitpicking down the road that often leads to the destruction of normal relationships.

To me dominance is my way of showing love and caring.
I am the sort of person where my family is top priority at all times. Being a dominant individual allows me to show that I care about them or love them in such a way that I am willing to be responsible for them. I could care less about most peoples actions or needs in this world, my primary concern are the needs of my family. If I take someone and make them a member of the family, and thus take a position of dominance over them, I am agreeing to be totally responsible for their health and wellbeing; this is not something that I take lightly. The most effective way for me to show my feeling for someone is to be able to be the provider for them in all ways. In turn, the most effective way for someone to show their feelings towards me is in their submission, the fact that they care, trust and respect me enough to submit to me speaks more about their feelings than any words that could ever come out of their mouths.

Dominance is not anti-feminism, sexism or sexual discrimination.
I am a male, I am masculine and I am dominant. This does not in any way mean that I am inherently better than my girl and it does not mean that she is in any way inferior to me because she was born with a vagina rather than a penis. As humans, people and members of society we truly are equal, in our relationship we are equal. My dominance is not based on my sex, it is based on the fact that she has made a conscious choice to be submissive to me, and this truly is the purpose behind feminism; choice. My girl is not submissive to every male in the world and any male who assumes an air of dominance over her based on her sex will be surprised at the level of her retort as well as mine. I would like it known that I support feminism and will stand on the front lines with you assuming you are of the ideals that feminism is about choice and equality without discrimination of our differences. However, if you are of the mind that we are all the same or we all should be the same then that is not equality it is “sameity” and it is ass backwards. I will not support those who look down on a submissive female or refuse to accept the choices made by a female who chooses to become submissive. There are inherent differences between males and females on a physiological and psychological level and these differences will always exist. Equality is not about making these differences disappear, it’s about not allowing the differences to limit the choices you can make.

If you wish to discuss this article with me please use the comment form or “send feedback” link. With your comment please keep a level and respectful tone and I will approve any comments that are a discussion, even if they contradict my beliefs, but I will not approve comments that are attacking, derogatory or abusive. This article is about my feelings, thoughts and ideals and this article does not and should not be assumed as representative of anyone elses. This article has been approved by an “equality feminist” but I didn’t take the time to run it past a “sameity feminist”.

~~BloodLustDaddy~~

Because the second he removed my collar the whole world turned upside down and set the stage for the rest of the day.

All morning my mind had an inability to work with my mouth or my typing. I repeated myself, contradicted myself and in general threw a sense of urgency and panic into all that I did. I was irritable and nothing I did or said seemed to go right. I just could not figure out what was wrong with me.

And then it hit me, while running an errand to the bank. I reached up to play with the pendant on my collar like I normally do and realized that it wasn’t there. My neck felt naked, I felt naked … exposed and unprotected to everything that was wrong with the world. Now, I know that this is an extreme but that is how I felt. BloodLustDaddy’s collar means more to me than any other piece of jewelry that I have ever worn in my life. His collar has been on me for over a year and it just became a part of me as the days passed by; growing in meaning month by month. So, to just have it gone and not even remember that it was gone took quite a toll on me that day.

Once I understood why I was being crazy, I tried to keep myself in check. Good idea in theory but much harder to execute in real life. My irritation with everything still flowed on through Thursday evening. What, no collar return that night when BloodLustDaddy came home? Nope, because I was soaking the collar in attempt to get it as clean for him as I could.

Sleep did not come easily that night. I laid there in bed, running my hand over my neck missing the feel of collar, the metal that he placed on me with the intent of protection, ownership and love … and I missed it terribly, even with BloodLustDaddy sleeping next to me. It was odd, I thought to have placed such an emotional attachment to an object something that I have never done before but it was HIS collar and I couldn’t escape its meaning or the feelings that it had given me.

When the alarm went off Friday morning, I woke and tried to go about my normal routine. I gathered his clothes, made his lunch and quickly went to rinse and dry my collar. I bounced around waiting for him to wake up and get ready. Still panicky, I tried not to flood him with rambling chatter but am afraid that I failed on that part. Finally, though he put his shoes on and went to get the collar so he could put me back in it.

I never would have though that a piece of jewelry would actually lower someone’s blood pressure.

~~,~~’~~,~~’~~{@ Surrender4love

Branding also, holds for me a greater meaning in an outward showing for use as a type of a rite of passage. We all go through certain events in our lives, whether chosen or not that have the ability to change who we are forever. The majority of the changes that take place are internal; it’s how we develop emotionally on the inside. Rites of passage mean different things to different people but for me it was being born marked with a birth mark, the start of my cycle which changed the landscape of my body and giving birth which also further changed my body from the inside out. All significant moments to be sure, but also still mainly internal with the exception of the birth mark. Sometimes, I have thought when something I feel is of great importance that I’ll try to hold on to a certain aspect of the event like a movie ticket stub or a card. Little mementos like those can be lost physically and sure, even though I will tell myself that the memory will sustain me, sometimes those also slip away. It’s happened to me and I know that it has happened to others. In choosing to be branded, it is a combination of an event and memento that will not soon slip away.

Having a brand means having an outside marking that one cannot not only see, as in a tattoo but also a marking that one can feel for quite sometime when it is placed in an area of the body that you cannot look at all the time. Branding burns through the skin, it sears you removing any outer layers of skin that may have grown on you through the years. The heat melts away, in a sense the ending of one period of your life by issuing in another one; takes away in it’s working to create it’s mark within you. The scar will begin to heal eventually but what is left, the raised or indented skin can be run over by your fingertips or felt against a partners skin and in turn will become a perpetual reminder and a lasting work of outward soul type art adorning the body. For example: many people can point to a time in which they have burned themselves on the stove by accident, those burns change the landscape of that area of skin in which it was marked. Personally, I have some burns, one is self-inflicted and was an accident by dropping a heated curling iron on my arm and the others are from various burns which were not self-inflicted but all have scared me, taken away the layers of skin it melted away and left behind new and oddly shaped skin. My burns are outside markings, reminders of non-rite of passage moments but of events that changed not only who I was on the inside but what appeared on the outside.

Another level of significance to branding are the reasons that people choose to have them. For myself, I have mulled over getting branded for a very long time, though I have never done so. My reasons for having one would have to be of very high importance because it involves for me an outward showing of ownership; both of my own and my partners. My want of being branded is to be marked outwardly, a higher sign of commitment burned into a deeper level of my skin. I want my partner to work with me on choosing a location on my body and on choosing a design and I want it to be something of significance for us both. I have not gotten branded as of yet because I have not wanted to get burned with or for anyone else that I have ever been with. Honestly, no one that I have ever been with have I felt even the slightest bit of comfort when discussing branding at all not merely with my fascination with it but also my thoughts on actually being branded. (I suppose, that for me it adds to the ideal of a working 24/7 D/s relationship) This is also the reason that I have not gotten a tattoo or piercing on my body… but those can by essay topics for another assignment.

Pain is certainly involved when thinking over the idea of branding. Some people enter into an adrenaline rush and barely feel a thing and others feel an excruciating level of pain while being branded. I do believe that the level of pain being felt has a great deal to do with ones view on the branding, the reasons for being branded, the design duration that it will take to actually be formed and the method being used to brand. Personally, I wouldn’t presume to know what my tolerance level for that kind of pain would be, since I have never been branded but I would enter into understanding that the pain is only apart of the process and to get through it, all I would need to do would be to accept the pain and let it flow… almost like accepting the pain through childbirth. I have to admit that I like that there is such an amount of pain involved… it makes sense. It is not that I am a complete masochist, it is just that I feel there should be pain involved when entering into the idea of burning layers of your skin off for scarring. It should take a certain constitution to be able to go through with the process and for that matter even be willing to go through the process at all. Branding is not something that people should do because they think it is cool or the next fad, it should be treated with a certain level of respect because of the permanence and because of the level of pain involved. I think that the a fore mentioned is one of the reasons that branding hasn’t overgrown tattooing in it’s popularity.

The two forms used for branding are strike(multi) and cautery(electro). Some people call strike branding, multi-strike and the process involves using carbon steel sheet metal. The metal for this application is cut into small strips about one inch in width. The strips are then further bent and cut to shape in order to create the design that has been chosen to be strike branded. Once the design is set, the strips are heated with a torch until the steel is literally “red hot” enough to create a branding. Then each of the strips are struck against the skin for a second and then removed. Depending on the design and how many strips are used depends on how many applications are struck towards the skin. Cautery(electro) branding uses a surgical cautery pen to draw the design into the skin, much like how a soldering iron is used. This method is popular among the branding community because it allows for a more detailed design application to occur more so than that of the strike branding method. Cautery is also said to be the less painful method to go with, although with burning though layers of the skin you can count on some pain. Now, in cautery branding there are different tools used depending on what brander you choose to go with. The main line tool of most cautery brands is the use of the surgical pen but another tool would be the hyfricator instrument. With the hyfricator the tool can have various different design metal tip heads but uses smaller amounts of electricity than the surgical pen to cauterize the skin.

Something that many people do not take into consideration when dealing with or choosing the design for their branding is the size. Highly detailed patterns do not work as well on human skin as they would on an animals because of our skin tissues biological makeup. Our bodies are geared towards healing and with branding the goal is to scar well enough to keep the design that you originally wanted in the first place. Also, with any design in combination to our healing processes it is important to note that each strike of the brand, though a mere inch wide piece of steel will scar up to three times in design size, so it is best to start of with a conservative design for the first go round of branding. I admit that this is one of the things that fascinates me about the branding process. Our bodies are designed to heal themselves and it will fight to heal as best it can any attack on the body, mainly the skin as that is the organ that takes the hardest beating. By choosing branding people are choosing to destroy themselves to create something else. Part of the after care for branding is to ensure that the brand scabs scar up as well as it can.

Another thing that people may want to consider is how to deal with society’s acceptance of their body art. Branding and even other forms of body mods and scarification are not legal in all states. In fact it took Oklahoma until this year to lift it’s ban on body modification laws. State governments are not all accepting, just as people that you may run into at the local store or your bank may not be that accepting that you have gone and paid someone to burn through several layers of your skin to create a scar. The most common remark that I have heard when branding has been brought up is the reference to cattle. So, it’s a good idea to not only prepare yourself for the process leading up to your branding but also to prepare yourself on how other’s, even your family may react to you new body modification.

A question that I have asked myself many times, through the years when considering getting branded is, “Why do I want to disfigure myself?” Well, I have no simple answer for that. Do I really consider it disfiguring? Not really. Yes, branding is the process in which you burn through your skin to create a lasting scar and too many that would equal disfigurement but it just doesn’t to me. In choosing a design to wear both in and out of my skin, it is creating more of what I see as a wounded piece of art. I see myself as broken in many ways but that doesn’t mean my wound cannot be just as beautiful as other types of adornments that many whole people chose to attach to themselves. I know that it may seem like a simple comparison to equate branding to somebody wearing a ring or buying a certain coat but to me that is what it equals to… something simple but with a greater meaning.

~~,~~’~~,~~’~~{@ Surrender4love