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Submissive Journal: Losing Yourself As a Submissive
Alberto Vargas, 1962
Being a submissive female, sometimes those things that as a woman you need to develop on your own gets tested when you become owned. Wanting to give yourself over to a Master/Daddy/Dom/Switch or whatever you call them is a need but it’s not something that you can do unless you spend the time getting to know who you are first.
So, what happens when you take your own self worth that took years cultivating and nurturing and put it all in someone else’s hands?
Honestly, you lose yourself but not in a bad way. Losing yourself in a consensual, long term TPE is not the same as a vanilla relationship. I do want to stress though, that there is one thing that is the same and that is you cannot expect your significant other to change who you are on the inside. You cannot expect someone else to “save” you or give you a sense of self worth if you never had one to begin with. You cannot expect someone else to stop you from being yourself.
One of my main issues as a submissive female is putting others before myself and it is often to my own detriment. I know I do it and with certain people I try not to let it happen as badly but in the end I will sacrifice taking care of myself in lieu of making sure others are cared for. In general I’ll just basically let myself become worn down. I feel selfish and guilty when I take anytime to do anything for myself and that has become more so the case since entering into a 24/7TPE. I literally lose myself to other people and have a bad habit of letting that take over my self worth.
So, losing myself to others in general is not a healthy way to live. The difference is that with Daddy losing myself to him is healthy because under his control he will protect me from losing myself to other people. (Notice I said protect and not force. You cannot take an orange and force it to be an apple) He monitors me and those around me and pulls me in when he sees the need to do so. With Daddy, I have someone who will not change me but who will help me help myself. In essence, losing myself to him is more like being found than lost.
I lose myself to him because I choose to, because I trust in him as a Daddy and as a person. I lose myself into his dominance, his protection, his nurturing and his love in wanting not just the best for himself but in him wanting the best for me as well.
~surrender4love~
For Daddy, I will…
With my eyes,
I will always see the parts of you that no one has ever seen before and I will show you how beautiful those parts of you are so that you can see them that way too.
With my lips,
I will kiss away the fears that have grown within you and the kiss away the tears that have never and will never be shed.
With my ears,
I will hear all of the words that you cannot always say and I will listen to you when you have no words at all.
With my arms,
I will hold you close to me for all of the times in your life that you should have been held but were not.
With my heart and soul,
I will love you just as you are and will love you who become through the years… just as you were always meant to be loved.
“mo anam chara, mo chroí”
Your babygirl,
surrender4love
The Owl and the Pussy Cat…
Owl and Pussy Cat
Surrender4love looks up to me as daddy, mentor, tutor, master, provider and when she fails or does not do as requested of her then judge, juror and executioner of sorts. I have never been the sort of person to want a pre-trained submissive because my rules, desires and preferences are different than the person they may have learned from.
As her daddy I also act as her wise (not so old) owl to guide her and help her grow into a better and more structured person, to help her embrace her submission, creativity and free spirit.
She brings into my life the simple things that she falls in love with like the leaves as they change color, the rain on a summers day, the grass stains on the bottom of her feet and catching snowflakes on the tongue. As the provider I often do not notice these things in the rush to provide for the family and do what needs to be done… the little things in life that we should be enjoying get missed on a daily basis until I hear her little giggle or gasp of awe.
submissive journal: September 3rd 2008
Today is much better than yesterday. Daddy and I got to talk, although it ended around three a.m. It was still very nice to communicate back and forth. From noon on he gave me the day to be creative, that will be carried over until tomorrow because there are things that popped up today time wise that took that time he wanted me to use away.
Surprisingly, I am finding that I am feeling more accepting of my submissive side given the ideal of a little creative freedom. I am not sure why that is but I will look into the causes and such for tomorrow’s entry.
~~surrender4love
A week in the life…
Wow, it has been a crazy week and I do have to say that I am sorry for not updating.
I was made an OP in the #domination_and_submission chat channel on Collarme.com and one of the first things I had to do was get a bot up and running to handle a lot of the manual work. This has been a very busy week between work, the channel and helping friends with personal issues. Please know that surrender4love and I are doing well.
Surrender4love has been going crazy this last week because of a lack of journal for her to write in, the easy way to resolve this is to have her post it on the site but she often journals about the mundane in day to day life that I am not sure would be of interest to anyone but me. I personally would love to have it all online but feel it would quickly out us if she started sharing information about friends and family as we are a fairly abnormal couple with an abnormal family and with even a little information someone that knows us would be able to link us to the site… this would hurt people that I have no want or reason to hurt, the innocent can not suffer for our attempt to be somewhat public about our lives.
I also do not wish to burden my girl with idle tasks such as writing parts here, copying it to paper and then finishing with the day to day that is only of interest to us. I see this is an issue that I must resolve soon as she is lost without her journal.
I will let you know how this is resolved.
I will post a “deep” article tomorrow night, tonight is just a thinking and sleeping night.
~~BloodLustDaddy~~
DaddyDom: What it means for his baby girl
I think there are a lot of people who have misconceptions about the DaddyDom/baby girl concept of a relationship. I’ve noticed that even within the lifestyle community, many people look down on this aspect because they carry over the misconceptions from the vanilla world. Also, as with all human nature there is a tendency to attack what is not understood and I find that this goes on in any sub-culture social network just as it does with mainstream society.
Let’s start off by taking a look at what a DaddyDom/baby girl relationship is NOT about.
It is not about incest
It is not about degradation
It is not about pedophilia
It is not about total psychological manipulation
It is not about slavery
It is not about sexual Freudian ideals
Now that above is out of the way, I am going to explain what being a in a DaddyDom/baby girl relationship is all about for me. I realize that everyone’s experience is different and I am not advocating what goes on in my relationship as being a standard in any way. I am just going over what personally works about this aspect of the lifestyle for me. You may agree and you may disagree, both of which you have the right to do. And as consenting adults in a lifestyle relationship what we do with ours is our right as well.
…read full article…
Knowing what you don’t want
Personally, I really believe that in order for anyone to find out what it is they want then they need to be able to know what it is that they do not want. Many of us in the lifestyle, as well as in the nilla world are on a constant search for that elusive person that will make us happy. We want things to fall into place upon meeting someone. Maybe, we start out online or over the phone with many hours invested in focusing on all the good qualities but I think that is part of the problem. We should focus on all qualities, not just the good ones.
…read full article…
Squirt (Not the soft drink)…
I had become obsessed with the idea of making surrender4love squirt. I find it to be hot as it is a total release with nothing hidden or held back. In order to make her squirt we have been doing a lot of work in the realm of energy and self acceptance. I have worked on the self esteem issues that have plagued her as a result of society. Society has been determining that women should all look like Barbie and any who don’t should be rejected. This type of rejection causes a fear in females that even if they do look like Barbie they are still never good enough.
A squirting woman has full body rolling orgasms that rock her body, she is unable to control her reflexes, her body or even her mind. The beauty of a female after she has had a squirting orgasm is nothing short of amazing. The female mind during a squirting orgasm shuts down to where they take on an almost childish state of mind, unable to complete any but the most simple of sentences. This has been my goal with surrender4love for a couple months now and last weekend we finally achieved it.
…read full article…
submissive journal: On wanting a sister
This journal entry comes from Daddy wanting me to explain why I want a sister, meaning having a poly D/s relationship addition for the long term.
Three things that I have always been that will not be changing: Pagan, Poly and Submissive. Those are three cornerstones that make up my personality and my existence.
I was raised as a Pagan and I have never been anything else. Being Pagan, gives me the understanding that as women we are not as our modern society wants to create us to be. We are all beautiful and a part of the world just as we are a part of each other. Women can enhance one another, support one another in ways that men cannot. I see all women as being apart of one another; what I do not see is the need to be made or manipulated into being something that we are not. For example, women do not naturally look like Barbie and we should not be thrown (or throw ourselves) into some societal pseudo-competition in order to look that way. We are all different shapes, weights and colors and that in itself is truly beautiful. You don’t see an Oak tree getting all upset because a willow bends more in the wind because it’s thinner… modern female competition is unneeded, unnatural and unfounded.
…read full article…
Evolution
I cannot pinpoint the exact moment that it happened. Our relationship did not just morph from Sir/girl to Daddy/baby girl over the course of an evening. The change was slow and I see it as a relationship evolution; something that we adapted to because we changed along with the change in dynamic.
If this had been a couple of years ago, I more than likely would have freaked out. I had preconceived notions of what a “DaddyDom” was. I was afraid what that might represent and I didn’t think at the time that I was capable of handling such a thing emotionally. Now, at this current stage… I can look back and see that my fears were unfounded.
…read full article…
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