I cannot pinpoint the exact moment that it happened. Our relationship did not just morph from Sir/girl to Daddy/baby girl over the course of an evening. The change was slow and I see it as a relationship evolution; something that we adapted to because we changed along with the change in dynamic.
If this had been a couple of years ago, I more than likely would have freaked out. I had preconceived notions of what a “DaddyDom” was. I was afraid what that might represent and I didn’t think at the time that I was capable of handling such a thing emotionally. Now, at this current stage… I can look back and see that my fears were unfounded.
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It was never what I expected to happen, the term “DaddyDom” was something that always made me think of extreme age play, diapers and really unsavory thoughts… the type that make you shiver in the middle of your back with disgust. When my girl and I first got together it was agreed that “DaddyDom” was something neither of us were interested in and we agreed the thought was a huge turnoff.
We had spoken at length many times over the similarities of a parental figure and a dominant with the structure, discipline, providing needs and encouragement for growth. I provide her all the essential requirements for life; have her focus on health, education and happiness rather than providing extra income. When she is sick I am responsible for making sure that she gets better, I support her on her personal and spiritual growth. I encourage and foster her creative side while discouraging negative behavior. In many ways my tasks as her dominant are much like the tasks of a loving parent.
It happened so fluidly, naturally and was triggered by an almost joking session of role playing. We had read an entry on one of the forums relating to a girl calling her Dom by the title of “Daddy” and decided to play out the role for some sexual fun that night… this was almost 7 months ago and it was a lot of fun. The role play did not feel as weird as we thought it would and was extremely satisfying. After the play we agreed that we both liked it and that in the future if I called her “baby girl” that she was to fall into that frame of mind for play. We had only made this arrangement for play and never expected to see any flake of it outside of the bedroom.
It is still surprising how it happened because neither of us even noticed it at the time, a whispered “I love you daddy” or “your a good little girl” while out to dinner, a giggled “was I a good girl daddy?” or “you make daddy proud” slipped into our daily flirting with each other. As time went by it kept appearing more and more in our daily dealings with each other and the “smack, spank, blood and bruises” Sir that had been so prevalent in the beginning stopped being the norm. Neither of us were consciously aware of the frequency it was happening until it fell across my ears this weekend while we were out.
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No, I don’t mean that God. Set your minds lower to the dirtier, animalistic side of the spiritual; the Pagan side. My Horned God and all that is male centered with the universe as a whole comes to me through Conquer4love. He is my physical male representative of the divine and it’s not all because he whips me. When I look at him and obey him, in a sense I am falling in line under the will of his spirit and in doing so, I honor my own spirit as well.
Our sexual and personality preferences are not something that we can detach. The same goes for our spirituality, it is not a detachable or an interchangeable aspect of who we are… it just simply is who we are.
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Before you respond read the whole fucking article.
History.
I am going to make some broad generalizations now that may upset you, please understand that these observations are based on my personal experiences. Though they may not apply to everyone I feel that I have had a large enough sampling in my years of dating to make an educated observation. I am sure there are exceptions, you may be the exception, but I am going to state things as I see them. So that you understand where I am coming from, you should know that I have what some would deem as an… excessive history of relationships. The majority of these relationships were short lived (six months to a year) with a few lasting from four years clear up to ten years.
The majority of my relationships in the past have been the very model of “normal” and “acceptable” by societies standards. As an example one of my last relationships made everyone else happy, they saw us as the “perfect couple” and often attempted to duplicate what they saw. The issue here is they were only seeing what we wanted them to see, they never saw the power struggles and the four hour arguments that took a toll on our relationship and trust for each other. Often I looked around to try and find why these things were happening in what was designed to be a good relationship. Why were we fighting? Why were we engaged in a power struggle? Why would she be manipulative? Why would she purposefully engage in behavior designed to make me jealous? Why was each day an attempt to break me down more and more from a dominant man into a easily manipulated pawn?
I have never been the type of person to be content with that “things just are” explanation. I have always been driven to understand why things are and what cause and effect exists in each situation. Being that these were vanilla relationships, questions were always left unanswered and simple questions were treated as personal attacks. By forming a group of female friends and a series of surprisingly open and honest relationships, I was able to get many of the answers that had plagued me for so many years. I am going to make my observations and provide substantial evidence in order to back up my observations. Afterwards, I will explain why I am happy to be an “unreasonable man” and how this will never change.
Observations.
Faiza M. has lived in France since 2000. She is married to a Frenchman and has had three children in France. She has applied for French citizenship twice and has been denied both times by the French government. The reason she was denied? The French government believes she is too submissive in her marriage.
According to social services, she lives in “total submission” to her husband and male relatives including her father and brother-in-law. Click here to read full article over at the Scotsman News online.
Now, when I first saw the headline: Burka-wearing woman denied citizenship for being ’submissive’, I thought that surely this must be some kind of joke. You know, maybe a case of sensationalizing a headline just to get people to read it but nope, it’s true.
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Personally, I feel that in our day to day relationship that having expectations are harder to keep up with than rules. Before I get started on that topic, I do want to say that what follows are my personal thoughts and feelings on the matter. I am in no way saying that one way is better or worse. I am just stating what works for our relationship.
With the rules you have punishment. Rules are set and not always maintained leading to punishment. Now, this is not to say that Conquer4love does not whip me just for amusement because he does and he does have the right to punish me when he sees fit which can be outside of the rules being set. What I am saying here, is that in my view point the biggest reason for lists of rules within a relationship is to manage punishments in a way to keep punishments happening. I am not saying that a sub/slave needs to be punished all the time but there is something about punishments that a sub/slave needs or they would not get into the lifestyle in the first place. Also, a Dom/Master who has a perfect sub/slave with no punishments ever required doesn’t fulfill their need to punish beyond exerting basic control.
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Rules, god I hate rules as they are only useful if they are truly enforced. Many BDSM relationships are filled with rules, checklists, questionnaires and contracts so people tend to be surprised when they find that in my dealing with surrender4love I have taken a more minimalistic approach to rules.
Rule #1 : My way may not be the best way, the fastest way or even the correct way but it is the only acceptable way.
Rule #2 : “No” is never an acceptable response to a command that is given.
Rule #3 : Do as I say.
Hello, conquer4love here. Things have been busy but are starting to settle down. I do not have a specific topic for a post today, just a bunch of general thoughts that I am going to toss out there. Please consider these as a glimpse into our life with an emphasis on my mind and ideals.
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My girl is on her spot, sitting on her knees with legs spread. She is holding her hands behind her neck, ready to be bound or positioned to my pleasure. Her face and eyes are turned down and to the left, her submissiveness further fed by her natural shyness at being unclothed. I crave her.
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Surrender4love has worn her collar for over a year straight now, it has only been taken off twice during our relationship. The first time we removed her collar was due to an infraction that put our very relationship in danger and the other was for cleaning.
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