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Submissive Journal: Losing Yourself As a Submissive
Alberto Vargas, 1962
Being a submissive female, sometimes those things that as a woman you need to develop on your own gets tested when you become owned. Wanting to give yourself over to a Master/Daddy/Dom/Switch or whatever you call them is a need but it’s not something that you can do unless you spend the time getting to know who you are first.
So, what happens when you take your own self worth that took years cultivating and nurturing and put it all in someone else’s hands?
Honestly, you lose yourself but not in a bad way. Losing yourself in a consensual, long term TPE is not the same as a vanilla relationship. I do want to stress though, that there is one thing that is the same and that is you cannot expect your significant other to change who you are on the inside. You cannot expect someone else to “save” you or give you a sense of self worth if you never had one to begin with. You cannot expect someone else to stop you from being yourself.
One of my main issues as a submissive female is putting others before myself and it is often to my own detriment. I know I do it and with certain people I try not to let it happen as badly but in the end I will sacrifice taking care of myself in lieu of making sure others are cared for. In general I’ll just basically let myself become worn down. I feel selfish and guilty when I take anytime to do anything for myself and that has become more so the case since entering into a 24/7TPE. I literally lose myself to other people and have a bad habit of letting that take over my self worth.
So, losing myself to others in general is not a healthy way to live. The difference is that with Daddy losing myself to him is healthy because under his control he will protect me from losing myself to other people. (Notice I said protect and not force. You cannot take an orange and force it to be an apple) He monitors me and those around me and pulls me in when he sees the need to do so. With Daddy, I have someone who will not change me but who will help me help myself. In essence, losing myself to him is more like being found than lost.
I lose myself to him because I choose to, because I trust in him as a Daddy and as a person. I lose myself into his dominance, his protection, his nurturing and his love in wanting not just the best for himself but in him wanting the best for me as well.
~surrender4love~
Overwhelming Responsibility…
Responsibility.
There are so many little things in life that a provider has to be responsible for: work, money, bills, emotional health, time management, appointments… it all can be overwhelming for even the most responsible provider at times. Once we get everything nailed down and figured out it seems that something comes up to throw a wrench into our plans.
These responsibilities are even more difficult when your a Master or Dom because you also have to take into account the wellbeing of those who have submitted to you. To have someone rely on you and hand themselves to you mind, body, spirit and soul is an additional responsibility and something that adds to your requirements.
Squirt (Not the soft drink)…
I had become obsessed with the idea of making surrender4love squirt. I find it to be hot as it is a total release with nothing hidden or held back. In order to make her squirt we have been doing a lot of work in the realm of energy and self acceptance. I have worked on the self esteem issues that have plagued her as a result of society. Society has been determining that women should all look like Barbie and any who don’t should be rejected. This type of rejection causes a fear in females that even if they do look like Barbie they are still never good enough.
A squirting woman has full body rolling orgasms that rock her body, she is unable to control her reflexes, her body or even her mind. The beauty of a female after she has had a squirting orgasm is nothing short of amazing. The female mind during a squirting orgasm shuts down to where they take on an almost childish state of mind, unable to complete any but the most simple of sentences. This has been my goal with surrender4love for a couple months now and last weekend we finally achieved it.
…read full article…
Evolution
I cannot pinpoint the exact moment that it happened. Our relationship did not just morph from Sir/girl to Daddy/baby girl over the course of an evening. The change was slow and I see it as a relationship evolution; something that we adapted to because we changed along with the change in dynamic.
If this had been a couple of years ago, I more than likely would have freaked out. I had preconceived notions of what a “DaddyDom” was. I was afraid what that might represent and I didn’t think at the time that I was capable of handling such a thing emotionally. Now, at this current stage… I can look back and see that my fears were unfounded.
…read full article…
There’s a God with a whip!
Beltane by Sharyn Turner
No, I don’t mean that God. Set your minds lower to the dirtier, animalistic side of the spiritual; the Pagan side. My Horned God and all that is male centered with the universe as a whole comes to me through BloodLustDaddy. He is my physical male representative of the divine and it’s not all because he whips me. When I look at him and obey him, in a sense I am falling in line under the will of his spirit and in doing so, I honor my own spirit as well.
Our sexual and personality preferences are not something that we can detach. The same goes for our spirituality, it is not a detachable or an interchangeable aspect of who we are… it just simply is who we are.
…read full article…
Living with an unreasonable man
BloodLustDaddy is opinionated, strong in his core values and unshakable in compromise. His way of life, is truly “My way or the highway”. His unreasonable nature is for me, one of the greatest things about him and what makes him an ideal Dom. He is made for dominance and he owns that aspect of himself.
Too many people skim over the surface of life being unsure of what they want. Not knowing who they are or where they stand on things; not so with BloodLustDaddy. I never have to worry about him not making a decision on anything. I never have to worry about him not allowing his dominance to be a part of everyday life. I never have to be put in the position of “toping from the bottom” in order to get through the day to day things of life; something that I have dealt with from men in past relationships.
…read full article…
I am a man, I am allowed to be unreasonable…
Before you respond read the whole fucking article.
History.
I am going to make some broad generalizations now that may upset you, please understand that these observations are based on my personal experiences. Though they may not apply to everyone I feel that I have had a large enough sampling in my years of dating to make an educated observation. I am sure there are exceptions, you may be the exception, but I am going to state things as I see them. So that you understand where I am coming from, you should know that I have what some would deem as an… excessive history of relationships. The majority of these relationships were short lived (six months to a year) with a few lasting from four years clear up to ten years.
The majority of my relationships in the past have been the very model of “normal” and “acceptable” by societies standards. As an example one of my last relationships made everyone else happy, they saw us as the “perfect couple” and often attempted to duplicate what they saw. The issue here is they were only seeing what we wanted them to see, they never saw the power struggles and the four hour arguments that took a toll on our relationship and trust for each other. Often I looked around to try and find why these things were happening in what was designed to be a good relationship. Why were we fighting? Why were we engaged in a power struggle? Why would she be manipulative? Why would she purposefully engage in behavior designed to make me jealous? Why was each day an attempt to break me down more and more from a dominant man into a easily manipulated pawn?
I have never been the type of person to be content with that “things just are” explanation. I have always been driven to understand why things are and what cause and effect exists in each situation. Being that these were vanilla relationships, questions were always left unanswered and simple questions were treated as personal attacks. By forming a group of female friends and a series of surprisingly open and honest relationships, I was able to get many of the answers that had plagued me for so many years. I am going to make my observations and provide substantial evidence in order to back up my observations. Afterwards, I will explain why I am happy to be an “unreasonable man” and how this will never change.
Observations.
- Women are manipulative
- Women are pathological liars
- Women both seek out dominant males and fear a dominant male
Woman denied citizenship for being to “submissive”
Faiza M. has lived in France since 2000. She is married to a Frenchman and has had three children in France. She has applied for French citizenship twice and has been denied both times by the French government. The reason she was denied? The French government believes she is too submissive in her marriage.
According to social services, she lives in “total submission” to her husband and male relatives including her father and brother-in-law. Click here to read full article over at the Scotsman News online.
Now, when I first saw the headline: Burka-wearing woman denied citizenship for being ‘submissive’, I thought that surely this must be some kind of joke. You know, maybe a case of sensationalizing a headline just to get people to read it but nope, it’s true.
…read full article…
A new collar for kitten…
On CollarMe.com and Bondage.com I see lots of people asking what collar they should get for their submissive. I feel that right away these people are asking the wrong question. The question is not what collar should you get but what sort of collar is appropriate to your environment and community. Some people have the advantage of living in large forward thinking communities where a 3 inch thick band of metal around a persons neck would draw nothing more then a quick glance, others live in small religious communities where anything that even looks like a choker would draw lots of looks and questions.
The dilemma that I had while choosing what material would encircle surrender4love’s neck is the social environment we live in. As much as I would have loved to wrap a thick piece of metal with a huge padlock around her neck, proclaiming to the world that she was owned in more ways than just in a relationship, it did not fit into the type of community we live in. I choose to go with a thick spiral chain necklace from Bico Las Vegas (chosen and placed on her neck while we were visiting Vegas on a holiday). I removed the clasp from the necklace and replaced it with some small chain links in the back. There are times when we go out of town and I want her to wear a collar that is thick and draws attention, during these times I place her pink “love” leather collar or the red/brown thick leather collar around her neck.
The basics…
Rules, god I hate rules as they are only useful if they are truly enforced. Many BDSM relationships are filled with rules, checklists, questionnaires and contracts so people tend to be surprised when they find that in my dealing with surrender4love I have taken a more minimalistic approach to rules.
Rule #1 : My way may not be the best way, the fastest way or even the correct way but it is the only acceptable way.
Rule #2 : “No” is never an acceptable response to a command that is given.
Rule #3 : Do as I say.
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