Alberto Vargas, 1962

Being a submissive female, sometimes those things that as a woman you need to develop on your own gets tested when you become owned. Wanting to give yourself over to a Master/Daddy/Dom/Switch or whatever you call them is a need but it’s not something that you can do unless you spend the time getting to know who you are first.

So, what happens when you take your own self worth that took years cultivating and nurturing and put it all in someone else’s hands?

Honestly, you lose yourself but not in a bad way. Losing yourself in a consensual, long term TPE is not the same as a vanilla relationship. I do want to stress though, that there is one thing that is the same and that is you cannot expect your significant other to change who you are on the inside. You cannot expect someone else to “save” you or give you a sense of self worth if you never had one to begin with. You cannot expect someone else to stop you from being yourself.

One of my main issues as a submissive female is putting others before myself and it is often to my own detriment. I know I do it and with certain people I try not to let it happen as badly but in the end I will sacrifice taking care of myself in lieu of making sure others are cared for. In general I’ll just basically let myself become worn down. I feel selfish and guilty when I take anytime to do anything for myself and that has become more so the case since entering into a 24/7TPE.  I literally lose myself to other people and have a bad habit of letting that take over my self worth.

So, losing myself to others in general is not a healthy way to live. The difference is that with Daddy  losing myself to him  is healthy because under his control he will protect me from losing myself to other people. (Notice I said protect and not force. You cannot take an orange and force it to be an apple) He monitors me and those around me and pulls me in when he sees the need to do so. With Daddy, I have someone who will not change me but who will help me help myself. In essence, losing myself to him is more like being found than lost.

I lose myself to him because I choose to, because I trust in him as a Daddy and as a person.  I lose myself into his dominance, his protection, his nurturing and his love in wanting not just the best for himself but in him wanting the best for me as well.

~surrender4love~

Owl and Pussy Cat

Surrender4love looks up to me as daddy, mentor, tutor, master, provider and when she fails or does not do as requested of her then judge, juror and executioner of sorts. I have never been the sort of person to want a pre-trained submissive because my rules, desires and preferences are different than the person they may have learned from.

As her daddy I also act as her wise (not so old) owl to guide her and help her grow into a better and more structured person, to help her embrace her submission, creativity and free spirit.

She brings into my life the simple things that she falls in love with like the leaves as they change color, the rain on a summers day, the grass stains on the bottom of her feet and catching snowflakes on the tongue. As the provider I often do not notice these things in the rush to provide for the family and do what needs to be done… the little things in life that we should be enjoying get missed on a daily basis until I hear her little giggle or gasp of awe.

Like a good little babygirl she is always happy to see me, running up for hugs and kisses, speaking about things that excite her at 100 words a second and coming up just to randomly brush her hand against me for the physical contact.

It is easy to forget in a D/s relationship dynamic that everyone involved brings something important into the relationship just as everyone involved has to sacrifice to keep the relationship and family alive.

Surrender4love sacrifices in her choice to allow me to control her life, in following my decision that she work from home, in following my demands that the house be clean, in prepping dinner every night and waking the family during the day… she gives up parts of herself to ensure that others in the household are provided for on an emotional and spiritual level.

I work to provide roof and sustenance to the family, to ensure that our lights are on and the heat is paid. I analyze the direction we need to go and make sure that everyone is united towards the same goal. I do my best to make sure that babygirl does not forget to take time to be creative by writing and doing her artwork. I remind her when she is focusing so much on others that she begins to forget the things that are important to her.

Though this is a D/s relationship it is not, and will never be, a one sided relationship. She brings as much into the relationship as I do and sacrifices just as much as I do… we have a real world relationship that requires more than a “fuck me” dom dynamic.

I greatly value what she brings to the relationship because through her eyes (though she is the same age as I) I see the happy things in life and am able to smile at the sight of two small birds fighting over a large twig, things I would not have noticed if not for her.

She is sitting next to me right this moment and is starting to cry… that’s another important thing she brings in, the raw emotion fed by love and happiness.

~~BloodLustDaddy~~

The scientific community feels that being dominate is a positive human trait while being submissive is not. They align being submissive alongside depression as a personality disorder that needs to be cured. One way in which they want to cure the “submissive gene” is through medication and what better way to develop a human medication directed at manipulating our brains than through the old standard of lab mice using only one form of basic testing.

The basic test is called the Water Test. What they do is take five mice and place them in a cage with a short supply of water. The naturally dominant mice go after the water until one dominant mouse is the only one in control of the water. The remaining mice who did not attempt to challenge the dominant are labeled as naturally submissive as they chose to defer to the dominant mouse in lieu of taking life preserving water. The dominant mice that lost out to the one victorious dominant mouse are placed back into general groupings of five to test how many can persevere and gain water supremacy.

The basic testing concept is simple enough. Basic animal instincts for survival and all that and it is not behavior that is surprising at all. However, while holding onto a misguided ideal that humans are somehow superior to the rest of the planets animals the scientific community feels that humans should not hold back their survival instinct to defer to a dominant but rather that we should all be dominant. Having all humans be dominant makes no sense to me because our societal structure certainly does not support that ideal.

The goal is to use the DSR behavioral model in developing medication to make the human “submissive gene” controllable. The medications developed are advertised and prescribed not as anti-submissive medication but as anti-depressants. Yet another reason to do more research into something when your regular doctor just wants to write you a script. Also, I will admit into being a tad angry in learning that my natural mental state is seen as a mental disorder and not only that but due to the way that I am the scientific community decrees that I’m just really depressed and need to be fixed in some way. My DaddyDom is the only cure that I need and I am the one who choses that, not some doctor who deems me socially inept for being submissive.

If you want to learn more about the “submissive gene” and the testing that is going on to cure submissive people, please visit the following links:
Effect of verapamil on submissive behavior in genetically bred hypercholinergic rats in a water competition test.
Submissive mice might help fight depression
Reduction of submissive behavior in rats
Dominant–submissive behavior as models of mania and depression

~surrender4love

Let’s start off by taking a look at what a DaddyDom/baby girl relationship is NOT about.
It is not about incest
It is not about degradation
It is not about pedophilia
It is not about total psychological manipulation
It is not about slavery
It is not about sexual Freudian ideals

Now that above is out of the way, I am going to explain what being a in a DaddyDom/baby girl relationship is all about for me. I realize that everyone’s experience is different and I am not advocating what goes on in my relationship as being a standard in any way. I am just going over what personally works about this aspect of the lifestyle for me. You may agree and you may disagree, both of which you have the right to do. And as consenting adults in a lifestyle relationship what we do with ours is our right as well.

I am an adult woman, thirty-four years old who has retained my childlike enthusiasm and excitement over just about everything. I am also naive and gullible when it comes to the outside world. I am one of those people who want to believe the good in every one, which when added to my natural submissive nature puts me at risk with the outside world, social predators and other’s who have a stronger personality and temperament then I do. The bonus that I have going for me is that I am also smart enough to realize these things about myself and understand my own vulnerabilities. Unfortunately, I also have a tendency to be used, lied to and manipulated by predatory personality types; I often do not realize what is going on until events start to happen and I end up in situations that I won’t understand until after they have occurred. In short, I need to be protected and I know that.

Being a submissive, I have a drive to please and to put all other’s before myself. I strive to help people by serving them and fulfilling their needs in emotional, material and physical ways. I have a habit of doing these things to my own detriment. I give all that I can until I am a exhausted on all levels with no ability to stop myself from doing so. I need to be able to fulfill this drive in an environment that is safe, emotionally productive and physically healthy.

Now, I won’t go into the rest of what makes up my personality and how I work internally but suffice it to say that in all regards I need more than the standard aspect of a Dom, I need a DaddyDom and that is what and who BloodLustDaddy has become. Keep in mind though, that I did not realize that is what I needed until our relationship naturally went in that direction.

BloodLustDaddy is many things for me. He is the love of my life, my Dominant, my Master, the center of my world and he is my Daddy. He has total control of my life and he shapes my world as well as shapes me into a better person using my natural abilities. All my needs are met, expanded and developed by his control and his guidance. Because we do have a stable foundation of love, trust and respect I think that enables me to believe in him, even when I cannot believe in myself. I think an important part of him being my Daddy is that by shaping me as a person he takes great pride and joy in what I can accomplish. He pushes my limits and even though I do get scared, I have complete trust in him that what he does to me and for me is in my best interest and in the best interest of our relationship. I worship him as my provider, protector, lover and reveal in all that makes him who he is as a person both in our relationship and in the outside world. I defer to his guidance and his care and as such he has become my Daddy. And as Daddy’s baby girl I am more than a submissive woman, I am the center of his world and his heart.

Daddy’s love and dominance is both controlling and caring. He wants me to succeed because when I do so, then he succeeds as well. As his baby girl I am an extension of who he is, an outward reflection of his dominance and what that power he holds can do.

In a way, our D/s relationship is almost like an alternative version of a “traditional” 1950′s relationship with the added bonus of TPE and BDSM. In the fifties it wasn’t uncommon for the woman to call her husband her Daddy. The Daddy provided for her, cared for her and she was seen as an extension of him. The “little woman” at home was a direct product of what the Daddy, as a man could and should do in the terms of society at the time. Daddy was the problem solver, the fixer, the glue that held the family together against all odds and he was the punisher keeping his family in line and in working order. Daddy’s in society were very common until the sexual revolution. Also, just an interesting thing to note is that men in general were not depicted as bumbling idiots who couldn’t run a home or family until after the sexual revolution took place…just saying.

~surrender4love

The dilemma that I had while choosing what material would encircle surrender4love’s neck is the social environment we live in. As much as I would have loved to wrap a thick piece of metal with a huge padlock around her neck, proclaiming to the world that she was owned in more ways than just in a relationship, it did not fit into the type of community we live in. I choose to go with a thick spiral chain necklace from Bico Las Vegas (chosen and placed on her neck while we were visiting Vegas on a holiday). I removed the clasp from the necklace and replaced it with some small chain links in the back. There are times when we go out of town and I want her to wear a collar that is thick and draws attention, during these times I place her pink “love” leather collar or the red/brown thick leather collar around her neck.

Already I can see the comments regarding my choice of using the vernacular “her collar” so let me clear that up before we continue: The collar belongs to me but I do not wear the collar. I choose to say “Her Collars” because they are collars that are to be worn only by her. Only I may place the collars around her neck and only I may remove them, she never has any say as to the collar she will wear on a given day, the decision and say are mine.

Recently I was searching for a new collar as the old one has become a tad weak in the back, the years of yanking and pulling have taken their toll on the metal. As much as I would love to say that I chose one of the excellent Pattern Wire Collars from Chaotic Creations or a Turian Stainless Steel Slave Collar from the House of Collars, this is not the case. I chose to make a collar out of metal cable and a spacer with some small screws drilled in to hold everything together. I chose the handmade approach not because I am cheap but because I felt that for a while wearing a collar that draws attention will deepen and enhance her service, something that is clear and visible to those in the outside world will keep her very conscious of her status in the relationship.

In the future weeks perhaps she will receive a nice pretty collar, only time and service will tell. How the local community takes to her new collar is another issue altogether, this is really something that truly looks like a collar and is hard to mistake for a necklace. I am going out on a limb considering the religious social setting that exists around us every day but its something that I feel needs to be done.

~~BloodLustDaddy~~

With the rules you have punishment. Rules are set and not always maintained leading to punishment. Now, this is not to say that BloodLustDaddy does not whip me just for amusement because he does and he does have the right to punish me when he sees fit which can be outside of the rules being set. What I am saying here, is that in my view point the biggest reason for lists of rules within a relationship is to manage punishments in a way to keep punishments happening. I am not saying that a sub/slave needs to be punished all the time but there is something about punishments that a sub/slave needs or they would not get into the lifestyle in the first place. Also, a Dom/Master who has a perfect sub/slave with no punishments ever required doesn’t fulfill their need to punish beyond exerting basic control.

Do we need rules? Yes. Do we need a long list of rules? No. Rules for us are basic. It is the expectations and the management of expectations that keep things moving along. Expectations are not a bad thing in a relationship as long as there is open communication about what those expectations are. How many times do people jump into relationships with their own expectations only to hold a grudge against who they are with if those expectations are not met? The key to using each other’s expectations to enhance the relationship lies with communication. BloodLustDaddy and I are very fortunate in that we have a very open communication on everything and neither one judges the other for that at all.

My enjoyment of trying to meet his expectations comes both in the doing of each one and in of the accomplishment of what I can get done for him. Meeting an expectation lets him know what I am capable of and how far I will go to please him. Some days I manage to get a good deal of them met and other days it can be a struggle but there is no day that passes by in which I do not try my best to meet with his expectations. Pleasing him, taking care of what he wants me to take care of in a day… well, there is a trust that comes with that. He can trust that I will do my best to do what he wants and or needs me to do and in that I can trust that he will acknowledge what expectations are being met and what expectations are not being met.

Rule #1 : My way may not be the best way, the fastest way or even the correct way but it is the only acceptable way.
Rule #2 : “No” is never an acceptable response to a command that is given.
Rule #3 : Do as I say.

Three rules keep things fairly simple and are easy to enforce. If I say the entire bathroom is to be cleaned with salt water then it will be cleaned with salt water. I know that salt water is not the best cleaner in the world but that is not the point and discussing it takes time away from cleaning the bathroom with salt water. (Notice: this is a lame example as I would never demand the whole bathroom be cleaned with salt water, tooth paste is much better… *insert evil laugh*)

With the rules out of the way the rest of my girl’s existence comes down to commands, expectations and experiences. Commands are the easiest to follow, when I command that tonight her hair is to be in a pony tail she knows what she needs to do and that if she does not do it punishment will be had. Expectations are a bit tougher but normally come with advance warning… when I get in the shower at night she knows that I expect to have my clothes placed next to the towel for when I get out, it’s not a command or a rule, it’s an expectation. If for some reason my clothes are not waiting for me she knows that she will not suffer a punishment. However, where my expectations are not being met it can quickly become a command with punishment expected upon failure.

Experiences, these are the ones that are hardest to follow but have the most pronounced triggers… when walking in the door from work if I look at her and say “kneel slave” experience tells her that until further notice she has been instructed to keep quite, be pleasing on the eyes and do as I instruct with no questions or complaints.

As far as rules go the closest thing we have are long standing commands:

• Panties are not to be worn unless her cycle has started.
• She is to instruct me as soon as her cycle starts.
• She is never to place herself in a dangerous situation.
• My needs come before any one.
• If a man hits on her she is to respond with “I am sorry, I am in a dedicated relationship.” and walk away.
• Masturbation is not allowed without permission or instruction.
• Orgasm is not allowed without permission or instruction.
• Profanity is not allowed and will be punished by having her mouth washed out with soap.
• If I am at home she is not allowed to answer the phone or door.
• When I come in the front door she is to present herself to me.
• The collar is never to be removed by anyone but me, except in a health emergency situation.
• Her journal is to be done every night unless otherwise instructed.
• She may not sleep with another person without my prior knowledge and permission.

The above are not rules because situations happen that may result in the need to break these. If someone attempts to drive her off the road a “fucking asshole” screamed out the window would be acceptable. If she is in the bathroom due to food poisoning then I would prefer she stay there rather than attempt to follow some “rule” to the detriment of her health, the carpet and perhaps any guest that I may have brought home.

Another thing that tends to surprise others is that we give no stock to “limits” but instead deal in probabilities, which can be hard to explain. I consider limits to be a challenge of sorts. When someone says to me “I can’t do that” or “I won’t do that” I have to wonder why. Are they truly unable, is it a health issue, is it taboo or a religious issue? Already we have advanced past many expressed limits as we have grown spirituality, mentally and emotionally. I can not say that there exists a hard limit in my life. I tend to be willing to try anything once (except for hard drugs) and limits just tend to get in the way of our ability to grow. The issue I see is not that we have a list of limits in our minds but that we do not update that list of limits as we grow and as our experiences change. What sort of life can you live when you are limited by things that you found undesirable several years ago? Because of these issues we have agreed to rid our relationship and lives of limits, hard or soft.

To replace limits we have enacted a probability standard. There is a high probability that we will engage in bloodplay in the next three months but a low probability that I will order her to give a homeless man a blow job in an alley in the next three years. Not to say that tomorrow won’t have her blowing “Homeless Homer” but probability dictates that it’s not very likely to happen.

Thus we have removed limits and most rules from our relationship and lives, we feel this allows us to grow without being held back by artificial expectations that may have been established prior to us reaching where we are now. Many limits are caused by personal experience in the past or taboos that have been dictated to us by society. Why should we limit our lives because someone in our past told us that having sex in the middle of a park on the 4th of July was unacceptable in society? A good example of a false hard limit would be when we began our relationship, due to past experiences she had endured smacking her face was a “hard limit” and now that we have grown it has become a somewhat regular expectation during sex.

~~BloodLustDaddy~~

What has always been interesting to me with BloodLustDaddy is that he is the only person that I have been able to be around all the time. Normally with me I need a certain amount of personal space in a relationship. I have never been able to be around someone as much as possible and not get tired of them or end up needing a break from them for a day or so. With BloodLustDaddy, I have never needed that space from him at all and what’s more I don’t want that space away from him.

There is apart of me that needs to be near him and I’m not sure why that is. Whether it’s sitting on the couch or even going in there when he’s in the restroom just sit next to him…it’s hard to explain really. I do not know why it is that way but I do know that it’s not something that I want to change.

I never needed anyone before now. Never let myself need anyone. Now, I kneel in a position that puts not only my well being but my life in the hands of another person. This is the level of control that I agreed to give and it is also the level of control that he agreed to be responsible for.

I’ll admit that on a logical level and given my past history that this deepness of vulnerability that I have with BloodLustDaddy…well, it does scare me at times. When the scary times come, I just reach into my base emotions and just feel, letting logic go and letting him into me where my vulnerability hides.

~surrender4love~
journal entry

As someone who has been involved in a successful, real life, same house, long term D/s relationship I find those who take issue with the “submission is a gift” topic to either have an over inflated sense of entitlement or have no real understanding of the concept of choice and how it applies to their lives and relationship.

I was explaining to someone recently who had referenced it as “slave worship” that if their view of the world is so narrow that other peoples choices are beyond her comprehensions then the issue is hers to deal with and not everyone else’s.

Let’s not forget that this is a bottom issue as well as a top issue. I have seen many a bottom make fanciful and romantic quotes about “my submission is not given, its taken” and “even when I don’t want to submit he makes me” which is nothing other then trying to romanticize their relationship via Norman quotes… if truly they are forced to submit without their consent then the police should be called.

Unless there is a threat of death to the bottom if s/he does not do as the top instructs then the situation is built entirely out of trust and CHOICE. If there is the threat of death then the situation is no longer consensual and should be dissolved as soon as the poor sub can get to a phone to have the police called in on the “master”… preferably with tasers and Billy clubs involved… and orifice searches by a cop who for some unknown reason goes by the name Bear or Tiny.

I have to laugh at the sub/slaves who say “My Master is a real Master, he forces my submission” because it’s a bunch of fanciful and romantic crap… unless you are risking death when your master tells you to do something then you are making a choice, you either do it, don’t do it and take the punishment or walk the hell out of the relationship. Let’s accept what the relationship is, a series of choices.

Contracts and power of attorney transfers won’t hold up in court if “mister mighty master” decides he wants to chop off “Master_Mighty’s_Slave_Girls” left ear because she wasn’t listening, they are just another tool to establish the power exchange in the relationships and are as empty legally as the collar the subs wear.

That seems to be the stance I have seen, those who see submission as a gift and that their lifestyles are filled with choices no matter how “true” of a slave they are, and those who build their relationship off of a series of choice which they then hide behind terms such as “real master”, “real slave” and “real submissive”.

I for one would never take a “real” or “no limit” slave into my household, I would be so wrapped up in trying to show them where their limits are that it would become an obsession… better to take someone who understands that our lives and lifestyles, no matter how “real” or “deep”, are just a series of choices on both sides.

Which brings me to my next question, if you make a “deep real no-limit life salve” use her safe word do you get a cookie? Personally I want someone grounded in reality rather than floating around in Gor headspace or in the Arthurian era of the Beauty books.

Please understand that I am not attacking those who are Gorean, I have read the books and feel that they are a great example of how honor, trust and responsibility should be brought back into our lives despite the fact that we live in a corrupt world filled with fakes, phonies and liars. My issue is with those who are so wrapped up in the fantasy of Gor that they believe that their slave can not make the choice to leave and if she tries the master can track her down and kill/lash/hobble her. Accept that it’s a fantasy series and that at no time in the future will you track down a lost freewoman, brand her and introduce her to her slavery by tying her across your latest bosk kill and raping her.

To each their own and may you find what makes you happy. For me reality and the gift of my subs submission makes me happy. Whine and complain about how I live MY life all you want, while you do that I will be living happily.

Last time we tried the fantasy stuff the damn dice kept getting lost, those 1d100 are like marbles… they just keep rolling. I still don’t know if I successfully completed my “level 12 spell of virginal ass raping” before she completed her “summon level 40 female rights lawyer”… And now in “Advanced BDSM 4th edition” they nerf’d the “True Dom” class at level 12… bastards!

~~BloodLustDaddy~~

Sex
Being a dominant I like it rough… I like sex that is sweaty, leaves bruises and leaves you gasping with the exertion. I am old enough to know most of the things I like and most of the things that I do not like. From time to time we do have “loverly” sex that is passionate and romantic, however it is very much the exception in our relationship and both of us feel that as such it makes these times all the better.

My pet
Love. This is not a case of infatuation or lust, I truly do love her with every part of my being. I know she loves me just as much and that is what enables us to get through the rough spots in life. My love for her is what limits our relationship to D/s rather than M/s. I have always felt that for an M/s relationship there has to be a detachment, an aloofness between the master and the slave. Personally I see a slave as an object, like the couch, a table or the dog because they exist and are owned. My pet is not my slave because I do care for her, so other than short periods of play she is my submissive and not my slave.

Sexual Partners
Yes we are looking for someone for part time play, this person will not be allowed into our lives outside of the relationship and will not be brought in to be a part of our family. We are looking for someone either in the local area who is willing to play around or someone who doesn’t mind if we fly out for a weekend of play now and then. In the future we WILL be looking for someone full time who can become a part of the family though not now or anytime soon. In any play dates both my girl and I will be involved, this is a package and as such the person must be willing to deal with that. The person who we play with will have to be submissive to me as either a sub or a slave and will have to be either submissive to or equal to my girl. Any person who comes to play with us will NOT be replacing my girl and any attempts to usurp her position will be met with a trip to the door and a not so polite goodbye.

Drama
I despise Drama queens almost as much as I despise liars. I do not associate with people who cause or feed off of drama. I have better things to do with my life then engage in drama. Family and associates who attempt to bring drama into our lives will quickly find us no longer involved in their lives.

Submission
I find my girls submission to me to be the greatest gift she could ever give, her choice to allow me to dominate her life, decisions and actions is truly priceless and I would not trade it for all the ‘nilla sex in the world.

Responsibility
I understand fully well the responsibilities I have as her Dominant and occasional master, together we are on a journey of learning ourselves and each other. I am very much of the mind that together we will find and push limits, but with each wall that we break down and each boundary we push past care has to be taken before, during and after.

Family and friends
To me there is no such thing as friends, I have family and associates. People who become very close to us, are trustworthy, honest and loyal will find themselves considered as part of our family. Anyone who is not family is either a stranger or an associate, period. Many people feel that this would lead to a “lonely” life but I find this not to be the case, those who we surround ourselves with are truly people that we can count on in every way.

Well, hope everyone has a nice evening. Please feel free to ask us any questions you might have and we will answer as soon as we can.

~~BloodLustDaddy~~